Yet another break-up! Sometimes I wonder whether the term ‘break-up’ was devised to cover the silly mistakes of choosing the wrong partner by us mortals. But, nonetheless, I am yet again single after a courtship of 5 long months. Relieved!
When I look back at my life, it seems to me as a series of failed romances. Not that I am a flirt, but I guess I have always made wrong choices in terms of partners. So, half of the romances ended with my girl dumping me (even if I try, I can’t use another word) and in the remaining 50 percent cases, I ran away from commitment.
This time also, it was my same fear of commitment to the wrong person (call me a commitment phobic, I will not mind) that took its toll on my relationship. And after the break-up, my state of mind is of that of a man relieved!
Though I am not regretting a few thousand bucks spent on gifts and dates, but surely the amount that I am going to save from now onwards is more than welcome in this age of economic slowdown and a big encouragement to remain ‘single’.
As I approach my mid-twenties and see my friends getting married one after another, I know it won’t be long before I also have to take the decision. But how can I decide whether I am in love with the person or not. After all, love is necessary to spend your life with someone.
So, I think at this point it becomes necessary to contemplate upon the most complex emotion of the universe, LOVE!
As far as I can recall, I was merely a school boy when I first fell in love with this pretty girl in my class. I was so serious and sure about my feelings then that I even wanted to marry her!
It's been a long journey since then. At various stages of my life, I fell in love with a number of beautiful girls. Though as strange as it may sound, it has always been very difficult to confess the feeling to any of them. So most of the times, the feeling subsided all by itself in the absence of reciprocity.
But now, looking back at those times, I wonder if I have ever been in love. Don't get me wrong here. I can proudly claim that whenever I fell in love, the passion, intensity and emotions were all the same. Still, I feel that the reason for that adrenaline rush was attraction, infatuation; you may call it whatever, but pure love.
Then, what is love?
Holding hands in a park, being cosy in public places, dining together in a restaurant, watching the latest movie, expensive gifts, flowers, cards….what is love?
No, these things are a part of love stories, sometimes great love stories but this can’t be love. Love is beyond these physical and materialistic parameters.
Laila-Majnu, Heer-Ranjha, Shireen-Farhad, Sohni-Mahiwal or Romeo-Juliet, they are all great love stories, but were they true love stories? I doubt. You are free to disagree with me but I have my own reasons.
As I said, love is beyond the materialistic parameters of this world. Love is the end of expectations. Love doesn't mean that two souls become one; rather, it transforms the souls into something beyond the conceivable parameters of the human mind.
The basic similarity among all the great love stories is that in all of them the lovers died together. This is my point: I doubt if one partner of these couples had survived, the love they had would still be the same for their dead lover. But they died together and left great love stories to inspire generations.
So, the quest of unravelling the mystery of true love doesn't end with these love stories. It begins with them.
I think the perfect and perhaps the only example of the elusive 'true love' is Meera's devotion to Krishna. She not only understood and felt the divine beauty of love but actually "loved".
Her love was free from all worldly parameters. She fell in love with the statue of Krishna, someone whom she had never seen in person, but experienced the presence within her heart and soul. Her love was divine because she never expected anything in return. She never expected that Krishna would reciprocate her feelings or materialize before her in all his cosmic glory. Yet, she loved him with all her devotion.
The great couplets composed by her clearly indicate that her soul never searched for Nirvana because her love was her soul and the feeling of love was her Nirvana. She never claimed authority over her love nor did she ever become possessive, because true love exuberates complete freedom.
Even though she was married, she considered the Lord her only consort.
This is what can be called true love. This was perhaps not the greatest love story but unarguably, this was the "true love" story.
So, after almost 24 years of my life have passed like a roller coaster ride, the only thing that I now crave for is "true love". Not that I want someone to love me truly rather it's the other way around. I want to love someone truly, without any expectations, with complete devotion and without the burden of reciprocity from the other end. I just want to feel the magic of true love once, before I die, like Meera…...
(The views expressed by the author in the blog are his/her own)