A chapter on the Romeos of our age!

Updated: Jun 09, 2010, 16:14 PM IST

After a chain of incidents of eve teasing occurred somewhere in a small township in India, the government hastily decided to include a chapter on the eve-teasers in the school text-books to warn unsuspecting and innocent girls. <br/><br/>But predictably, like all government plans, the chapter on lecherous men turned out to be different from what was planned. <br/><br/>The chapter was named as - The Romeos of our age! Perhaps, some feminist with a satirical eye was the author of the ‘lesson’ on immoral men, and the government being too occupied with larger issues, did not pay attention to the content and the title, which was completely misfit in a school book. <br/><br/>Somewhat like Mayawati’s statues, which were meant to show her as a ‘devi’ but instead turned out to be a depiction of a funny looking woman with a shocking bag and an even more startling grin, the write-up emerged as a rampant comic account of lover-boys in our society. <br/><br/>When the chapter made its way into text books, the bored government male teachers in dilapidated schools were too agitated to deliver it in classes as they identified themselves with the kind of Romeos mentioned. So, mostly the female teachers were entrusted with the job to teach the lesson and they relished dissecting the Romeos and in venting out the frustration piled up after being at the receiving end for years. <br/><br/>So, before any other channel shows you the report, we are the first to publish the content exclusively for your entertainment. <br/><br/><b>Romeos of Our Age</b> <br/><br/><b>Definition:</b> Romeos are sub-species of human beings, who remain inert generally but turn hyperactive on seeing a female and vie with their counterparts for her attention. They are usually noticeable even in a huge crowd owing to their notorious behaviour, dress and style. <br/><br/><b>Origin:</b> ‘Romeo’ is the name of the hero of the love tragedy ‘Romeo and Juliet’ written by William Shakespeare. Over the years, Romeo’s name came to be associated with all kinds of dandies and Casanovas, who love chasing, and teasing women rather than sacrificing themselves at the altar of love like the original Shakespearean hero. The Bard must be turning in his grave on knowing about the distorted image of his beloved tragic hero. <br/><br/><b>Characteristics:</b> They love to flaunt themselves and do not differentiate when it comes to females. They ogle at women of all ages, castes, shapes and classes. They are tricksters and are an expert in winking, whistling, singing aloud and making a pass. <br/><br/><b>Types:</b> When it comes to Romeos, there can be innumerable classifications but we are just mentioning six types of Romeos. <br/><br/><b>Roadside Romeos:</b> They are mostly found chewing tobacco on roads and public places like parks, cinema halls etc. The moment they see you, they smile lewdly revealing their betel-stained teeth. And the next moment, they will flourish a signature red comb from the back pocket and run it on their greasy strands to look presentable especially for you (quite considerable). You just cannot go past them without noticing them and even if you close your eyes, the smell of their cheap perfume and sweat will anguish your nostrils long after. <br/><br/><b>Romeos on wheels:</b> You must have encountered them in buses and trains, staring at you with those intense ‘Shah Rukh Khan eyes’. So strong is the stare that they will not drop their eyelids even if you threaten to poke a finger. If you are unfortunate enough to sit near them, they will try to strike a conversation. Very likely that they will try to connect with you in some way through your parents or relatives or friends or associates or may be through the weather, colour, sun-sign etc. If you ignore them frigidly, they will sing mushy romantic numbers and announce their address and phone number before leaving. <br/><br/><b>Filmy Romeos:</b> Usually teenagers and college dudes are a part of this group. They are flamboyant young men, who are in love with the idea of love shown in the films. Sporting gelled hair, body-hugging tees and branded goggles, they pick their Juliet the moment they enter the college life. If you unfortunately happen to be their chosen one, they will do every filmy stunt – like jumping off the building, wielding a blood soaked hanky or declaring love through poetry to please you. They will not refrain from even calling you the most beautiful girl on Earth. However, if you fail to respond, they will name you Rakhi Sawant and look for another Juliet. <br/><br/><b>Office Romeos:</b> Settled comfortably on their office chairs, they usually pretend to work but their roving eyes scans every girl around. They are a walking encyclopaedia on every new entrant at the office and are ‘friendliest’ guys around. They have a loud, exaggerated manner and a polished demeanour with a sharp observation power when it comes to females. The worst category of office Romeos are those on higher positions as they may take undue advantage of the power they hold. <br/><br/><b>Mid-aged Romeos:</b> Pot-bellied and balding, the middle-aged Romeos are the most despicable of the lot. Years of frustration induce them to indulge in the most odious activities, which are abusive and punishable. They pretend to be your mentors but will always try to take ‘physical’ advantage of you. If chided for their inappropriate behaviour for trying to romance girls half their age, they will smile and say – we are young at heart. <br/><br/><b>Deadly Romeos:</b> They are the worst category of Romeos, as they are anonymous. They will reach you through blank calls, anonymous e-mails and messages. You will always be aware of someone following you around and lurking around you, stalking you at every moment. Although they may sound pompous, bold and scary on phone, they are actually cowards as they are always in the hiding. <br/><br/><b>How to deal with Romeos:</b> One should pretend that they do not exist but if they persist in plaguing you, introduce them to your macho acquaintance. And if matters turn worse, take the law in your hand! Just take off your sandal and give them the most thrilling experience of their life. <br/><br/><i>The incidents mentioned in this blog are fictitious.</i> <br/>