Bigg Boss Ultimate!

Updated: Oct 09, 2011, 10:52 AM IST

As ardent followers of reality show `Bigg Boss` get glued to their seats in front of their TV sets to watch 13 controversial personalities sharing a common roof for over 3 months, I thought of making a virtual list of 13 inmates that could perhaps be madness of a lifetime! <br><br>

With no offense to yoga guru Baba Ramdev and his stature of being a spiritual figure, I would like to take him as an inmate of the ‘Bigg Boss’ house where he would be followed by his biggest fan Rakhi Sawant. <br><br>

Think of a situation when Baba would wake up early in the morning as per his schedule and queen of controversies Rakhi would be doing <i>pradakshina</i> around him pleading him to get married to her. She would say, “Baba mujhe aap bade sexy lagte ho. Jejus (Jesus) ki khatir mujhse shadi ker lo.” She would even run behind the Baba with a <i>jaimala</i> as Baba would look for cover. <br><br>

Sick of Rakhi, Baba would request Bigg Boss to keep the <i>occhhi</i> girl off him. Bigg Boss would oblige Baba and ask Rakhi to go on a Maun Vrat. And motor mouth Rakhi would die but never remain silent. Guess, who would come to seal her lips? Keep guessing…though the answer isn’t too difficult to presume. <br><br>

Now let’s move to the other inmates. Kamaal Rashid Khan, who had earlier made his debut on TV in season 3 of ‘Bigg Boss,’ will certainly be in my dream list. And his best friend in the house will be `strip-tease` girl Poonam Pandey. Imagine the kind of discussion the two would be having. Poonam would say, “I am missing my tweethearts big time. I am sure my fans would be dying to see my latest cleavage revealing pics that I frantically keep posting on Twitter.” To which KRK would say, “Forget it. Trust me. Had I been a girl I would have had a better figure. And you could have done nothing to stop me from outdoing you at stripping!” <br><br><br><br>

Bobby Darling, who had claimed that lanky India seamer Munaf Patel was the last man she had dated, would try her luck for the one last time in ‘Bigg Boss’ house to woo Munaf. On having found no one else to make such false acquisitions, Munaf would cry buckets and wish at least a gorgeous woman had held him guilty of having ditched her. “Couldn’t it have been Katrina Kaif or Deepika Padkone. Why Bobby?”, is what Munaf would be asking himself. But to his horror, he would find Bobby doing all the work in the house only to impress him. So what if Bobby couldn’t make Congress scion Rahul Gandhi her “darling”, at least she claims to make Munaf her man! <br><br>

Moving to Sreesanth, one would find him in his usual erratic self. On not finding Surveen Chawla (his once alleged girlfriend) he would go crazy and would start dancing in the middle of the house, much to the annoyance of the other inmates. Guess, who could stop him from annoying people to death? Harbhajan Singh is the name of the medicine that can keep Sreesanth in the pink of his health. For after having been slapped hard on the face in full public view by Bhajji during a match in IPL’s first season, the fast bowler wouldn’t dare to displease his senior colleague anymore. He would prefer keeping mum varna use aisa “bhajan” sunaya jayega jo who zindagi bhar bhool na payega. <br><br>

How about having Bollywood A-listers in the same house? I would certainly love to see Salman and Shah Rukh take their enmity to a new level in the ‘Bigg Boss’ house. Salman might try hard to tell SRK to “be human”. A war of words would start between the two with Salman telling SRK, “Mere paas Munni hai, Sheila hai, Ghajini hai, tumhare paas kya hai?” and Shah Rukh would promptly say, “Mere paas Rajini hai!” <br><br>

In one corner of the house, two long lost friends would be mending broken bridges - Amar Singh and Amitabh Bachchan. Big B would console chota bhai Amar and tell him not to cry and that he would stand by his side for life. A visibly happy Amar would give Big B a teddy hug. After mending fences, Big B would tell Amar, “aainn…vaise lock kiya jaye toh mera takiya kalaam hai…par Bigg Boss ne mujhe hi apne ghar mein lock ker diya….aainn…” An elated Amar would clap his hands in sheer happiness to praise his elder brother like Bachchan and the two would celebrate their friendship by singing, “Yeh dosti…hum nahin todenge”. <br><br>

One person in the house who is looking lost and unhappy is Aamir Khan. The superstar is so upset with the whole arrangement that he keeps complaining to Bigg Boss about how annoyed he is. On being troubled to the core by Aamir, Bigg Boss calls him to the confession room. Aamir tells Bigg Boss that he does not find the colours of the walls in perfect sync. He also tells Bigg Boss that his accent isn’t “perfect” either and that the mic is not positioned at an angle of 45 degrees. Aamir is so frustrated that he ends up using `Delhi Belly` lingo and Bigg Boss for the first time feels so helpless that he finally decides to vote Aamir out so that he could be at peace! <br><br>

With these thirteen diverse personalities sharing the controversial roof, one can assume that at the end none would survive for it would be the biggest emotional <i>atyaachaar</i> of all times.

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