Darling! It’s me...your TV
I am a centenarian yet quite young at heart. I might be the only thing that can woo one all and sundry even at this ripe age. I am proud of who I am and love the fact that I am aging gracefully. But there is something that kept annoying and worrying me for long.
I really wondered all along why people across the globe celebrate World Handwash Day, World Tongue Twister Day and Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day. But now I am happy, since 1996, the world realised my worth to celebrate me as the World Television Day.
Few mortal minions in a place called United States of America call me Idiot box, isn’t that outright funny? Americans calling me idiot...gosh what would I call them then?
But the fact is, love me or hate me, you just can’t ignore me.
People please don’t forget the fact that until few years ago, I was the only medium through which you lazy bums could see what was going on around you by sitting in your living room. Sadly, I have tough competitors now. I hate the species called cell phone and internet. They have jointly decided to stand against my growth.
This young generation I tell you, good for nothing whiz kids. All they know is cellphone, Facebook, Twitter or Orkut (by the way, does that still exist?). So much so that they can access me through internet via online TV!
Mobile phones of all colours, sizes and features have been bombarded in the market. Out of every three people, two people would be talking to someone on mobile phone. And the remaining one person would be fiddling with the phone.
While eating, driving, walking, half-sleeping or attending nature’s call they would be talking over the phone. Sometimes I feel that there are few people who are born custom fitted with cellphones on their ears…is that what we call handfree?
I have seen people who would be watching me but their entire concentration would be on the cell phone...isn’t that humiliating, sob sob.
Gone were days when I use to be the queen of every household. Be it over the dinner conversation or a board room meeting, my presence was ubiquitous.
These days, people have very little time for face to face conversation, they either tweet or post. I have heard you can also poke and scrap each other on the net....how unparliamentary!
I was also told by someone about a message written on a lift of an apartment that in an earthquake people should run for safety first than tweeting about it. God save this generation!
Well, good thing is that I still have a huge fan base. Bless the third world countries where the web of that World Wide Web is still not that harassing.
Oh not to forget, I have huge popularity amongst housewives, because I am the one who can give them melodramatic, over the top dose of nonsense called TV serials. They would religiously wait for me to tell them the stories about Good Samaritan housewives, wicked mothers-in-law, obedient sons or lecher uncles eyeing the chastity of a virgin niece.
I give these poor housewives food for thought. I make them cry with the stories of how a perfect daughter-in-law is being mentally harassed by her monstrous in-laws and I make them feel good and give that revengeful laugh when the daughter-in-law picks up a rod and slams it on the head of her evil mother-in-law. A big Muaaaah to all you ladies out there for being so faithful!
You must have noticed that earlier I was quite heavy and out of shape. I use to have an antenna popping out of my head all the time. I know I look gorgeous now but all credits goes to my darling Kareena Kapoor aka Bebo, who went size zero in a film called ‘Tashan’ and everyone went ga-ga over her. After that, my Japanese and Taiwanese manufacturers went crazy and asked me to lose some flab. It was tough for me initially but I did it. Since then I have started coming out in the slimmest form imaginable. After all, lean is in and I have to stay in this competition <i>baba</i>.
Today was a very special day for me, not because it is my Day but for the reason that I could express my feelings to you, that how threatened I feel about my existence. Please do something to bring back my good old glorious days where I had the sole monopoly. You can use the net to start an online forum or a candle light procession or fast until death or be on a <i>maun vrat</i>.
Lastly, I would like to thank the editor who allowed me to share my feelings with my millions of fans. And if I’m not completely swiped out by the internet, mobile phones or the Mayan prophecy of world coming to an end by 2012, then I would probably write another article on my next special day. Till then adieus and keep watching me.
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