I have been your fan for the longest time. Well, ever since your ‘Baazigar’ days. I switched from the other Khan fan clubs to secure a spot as your loyal true blue fan. I have watched all your films like an absolute loyalist, laughed at all your witty repartee and have fought innumerable fights with friends who claimed that you were not that great.
But now I have to tell you that you need to stop. You need to stop hosting those award shows and restrain yourself a bit. This award season you were everywhere - Cracking the same jokes, doing the same gigs and mouthing the same dialogues – every single time.
At Screen Awards, you did a badly scripted act with all the leading ladies. You tried to 'woo' them in your own 'cheap’, ‘vulgar' ways (your words, not mine) and it was such a badly put up act that you made me, your fan, go to sleep.
Moving on to Zee Cine Awards - Why did you have to do a spoof of ‘Don2’? Why oh why? The jokes were so stale that even Priyanka's oomph factor seemed funnier than the gag about you and <i>junglee billi</i> producing 12 junior dons. The level was that of a school kid’s class skit.
Now, if you were being roped in for being the ‘cheap’, ‘vulgar’ but witty host, how could Filmfare be left far behind? After all, it was they who had introduced you and Saif Ali Khan as their hilarious hosts way back in 2004.
Since they wanted to be elite and <i>hatke</i>, they took Ranbir and you as this year’s host. While I had thoroughly enjoyed your and Saif’s act the last two times, I did think Ranbir and Imran lacked that quirkiness which you had all this while brought to the table. But nevertheless, they too were enjoyable in the past two years. So when this year they had a half of each of the popular duo, I expected maybe this time you would give me something to laugh about and quote till the next awards season. But Ranbir and you did the same old jabs, same old ‘cheap’, ‘vulgar’ acts which had been done by you on a different stage, with a different person.
Also, as much as Vidya Balan is talented and deserves all the laurels for her dirty act, she lacks any kind of comic timing. Just like her dress sense in ‘Heyy Babyy’, Vidya’s forced funny acts made me cringe. So repeating her as part of your big funny mindless act twice in a row in the same awards season just makes the whole thing abnormally repetitive.
Forget me - even you yourself looked bored while doing all that abnormal mimicry. I have lived through your Karan Arjuns, Duplicates and RA.Ones. So much so, that when the world out there lashed you for making such films, I politely said, “No, the special effects were good” (as in case of RA.One), “The songs were the high point”, (Duplicate) or “Rakesh Roshan’s sensibility you know, not his fault.” But this time round, I don’t know who to blame. Clearly the script writer for all the award functions can’t be the same.
You are a different sort of superstar I agree. Unlike your predecessors, who lived a life of enigma and mystery till the very end, you believe that connecting with fans is a better way of enjoying the love and adulation. Plus 5 for that! But it’s high time you sat back and enjoyed couple of awards functions. Go and politely applaud your peers, give a polite acceptance speech when you win an award- just like others. Let someone else take the onus of entertaining. You entertain us in the good old fashioned way, through the movies.
PS: Now I hope all the Salman fans don’t go all out chest thumping saying “Salman is the best!” after reading this blog. Because every time it is not about the war between the two Khans. This one is just a pure rant from a fan to her favourite superstar. No Salman in the picture. Okay? Okay.