Eight ways to move on from a really bad break up

By Anindita Dev | Last Updated: Jan 13, 2015, 11:42 AM IST

``If you carry the bricks from your past relationship to the new one, you will build the same house``.

“Get over him, he is not worth it”, “You deserve a better girl” - these are the pieces of advice that start pouring from friends post a break-up. 

We hear these words of enlightenment from friends and family plenty of times. But when the wound is raw even the caring and comforting wise words fail to heal us. It may help a little, but it takes a whole lot of time to actually 'get over it'.

To top it all, we all have that one nagging friend who constantly breathes down your neck till the time you give in to the persuasion of leaving the past behind and move on. But everyone will agree that it can be quite annoying.

But is moving on really that easy? Sometimes yes, and at times not at all. Especially if one has invested a mammoth of emotions mentally and physically. It is obviously not too easy to let go of someone whom we had clung onto dearly.

But as they say, nothing is forever. Neither are relationships. We cannot just sit and cry over spilled milk forever. One day or the other we would have to gather the rubbish from our past and chuck it away in a bin. For good or for the worse.

Here are some ways that one can at least give a try:

  • The first important thing that one must do immediately after a break-up is stash away any possessions that belonged to our former partner. Keeping them will do no good as they will just keep pinching you like a needle stuck in your body.
  • Stalking your ex on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter etc. is another fatal thing to do post break-up. It will just add more to the torture that you're currently going through. Seeing your ex's pictures, check-ins, likes will push you deeper and deeper into the abyss. And moving past that will become very difficult if the constant urge of being updated about their life becomes an addiction.
  • If someone advices you to go for a rebound relationships do not jump on board blindly. It is not a very successful or really a great idea. Move on to another relationship only when you're ready to and not because you need to move on from your former partner. A new relationship when you're already strained will only make you emotionally more imbalanced.
  • However, meeting new people and socializing can be refreshing. It is a good way to break the past barriers and know more people. The busier you keep, the less trash you think and the less painful it will be.
  • The first few months after the end of a relationship are usually the worst. One can go on and on ranting and over-analysing the things that went wrong. Avoid continuously talking about your ex to your friends and how things did not work out. Because, that way you will only be cooking up some fancy ideas and explanations inside your head and create a bubble which will be difficult to break later on. 
  • Do 'NOT' text back or message your ex. Two exes can never be friends and most of the times it is true. Some exes have and are successful in keeping their friendship intact. But if things did not end well between the two or if there is still a spark from one end, then the urge to keep in contact with your former lover will be mentally exhausting. It is never the same after a break up and the conversations at times can get pretty awkward too.
  • Fall in love with yourself. Make time to indulge in what you love doing. Go shopping, or travelling alone, or an adventurous outing. Find out your strengths and let yourself grow emotionally and mentally.
  • Our peers can help instill confidence and be a great morale booster in times of crisis. And though we may not want to hear the wise words from them, but their love and care actually livens us up. But no matter how much we try, it sometimes is a great deal to move on completely.

But the choice is ours. Whether we want to make a ruin of ourselves or rise from the ashes like a phoenix and fly.