Five ways to get famous in India
We are a country teeming with people. No road, bus, metro, train, street or alley is empty. Every corner of the country is occupied. And in a country of 1.2 billion, it may be difficult to shine out. We all strive to be different, to create a niche for ourselves but most of us fall short from becoming the big star.
Think about it, if given a chance wouldn't you want to be famous? Want your name splashed on the front page of the newspaper? Or for that matter on our site (okay okay I am indulging in a bit of self-promotion here)? Be discussed by everyone? Right? But you lack an idea or talent? Don't worry, for I am here to give you 5 easy ways to become famous. Read on:
<b>Claim to strip naked:</b> Wearing your team jersey is passé, my friend! The new thing is to go nude. Or at least claim that you will go nude. It can even be for the local Kabaddi match. Just make sure that you share the news on a social networking site. Even if you eventually don't strip, be assured that your claim will get you the much desired attention.
<b>Go on a fast:</b> No electricity? Taps running dry? Not getting paid enough? <i>Bai</i> not turning up? Hate the system? Go on fast! If an 80-something Anna Hazare can go without food and water for 15 days, so can you. For best results, sit in front of a <i>Sarkari</i> office and mouth anti-system slogans, but make sure they aren’t too controversial, else they might just land you in jail. In that case it is safer to court arrest.
<b>Open letter:</b> They say the pen is mightier than the sword. Well then use it. Write an open letter to whoever you wish to. In a huge country like ours, problems and issues are immense. So there is never a dearth of topics to write on. Write away your angst and make it viral. People will read and discuss you for days later. And when we media <i>wallahs</i> come scurrying for a byte, be nonchalant and say, “I had no idea it would go viral. I was just lamenting about what I am going through.”
<b>Go naked on twitter:</b> This may be tricky for the following reasons. A) You may not have a fit body to flaunt. B) You may be a hairy man and hence when naked, an extremely ugly sight. C) You may be a shy sort of a person. D) You may not have a Twitter account. But, if you can surpass all these reasons, this method is a sure-shot winner. Not only will your followers on Twitter increase in leaps and bounds, but it will catapult you to the C-grade celebrity list. And hey, that’s not a bad thing. Look at Ms Poonam Pandey and Ms Sherlyn Chopra, they are doing just fine. So will you.
<b>Reality Television:</b> This one is the easiest and perhaps the most common way to attain those 15 minutes of fame under the spotlight. Be a roadie, singing sensation, splitsvilla dater or just a part of any similar type of show. Indulge in ‘politics’ with fellow contestants while on the show. Try to be in the show for at least two episodes so that later people can at least identify you as a TV celebrity. Post the show, you can easily be a local hero of your neighbourhood and may even be invited to inaugurate the local cricket match of your society. Or if you are really awesome, you might land up becoming a model or a VJ. Sky is the limit, actually.
The above methods have been tried and tested by a certain number of our fellow countrymen. They have found immense success and even if they later haven’t been able to match up to their initial stunts, they have at least left a mark on our memories. So, go on. Try something today. Don’t be a skeptic. One of the ways will surely work.
PS: The entire blog has been written in a lighter vein. Please take it that way only. It doesn’t intend to hurt anyone’s sensibilities, so let’s just have a good laugh over it and not analyse it the wrong way. Thanks!