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Had Rajinikanth been the Indian Prime Minister…

By Gayatri Sankar | Last Updated: Saturday, June 16, 2012 - 18:39
Gayatri Sankar
The Revolutionary

After having been bombarded for long with gags on south sensation Rajinikanth, India’s answer to the hilarious Chuck Norris, I often felt tempted to visualise him as someone who could best lead the nation.

And finally, I could gather all my bizarre senses to put together this blog and see if it could turn out to be a typical <i>masala</i> piece of fiction that will enable you to attach wings to your imagination. It’s purely hypothetical though…MIND IT!!!

I wouldn’t even mind replicating Aishwarya Rai, who promotes a shampoo brand and terms it as a solution to 5 problems; for me the only solution to all problems would be RAJINIKANTH!

<i>Enna Rascala</i>…are you ready??? I am Rajinikanthly charged!

If I could relate the present socio-economic state of affairs of the country with the situation post Pandora opening her box, Rajinikanth could be the only one to undo all that can never be undone. So you can probably see him, as that mighty force that can rewrite Indian history.

Yes. The legend could have easily kept the British at bay by exhaling in a manner purposely directed towards the ship carrying them. The blow would have been so hard that the mighty English force wouldn’t have dared to even think of visiting the subcontinent ever again. No Indian would have ever paid <i>lagaan</i> and Khadi would have been every fashion designer’s dream fabric. The Kohinoor would have shone brighter than ever before. I hope you know who stole…I mean who took away the precious gem from us.

And why only the British, he could have even misled Mohammed Ghazni on his way to India by simply slicing the route into two with a butter knife and Ghazni would have reached elsewhere – remember, Ghazni invaded India 17 times (according to certain historical records) and looted the Somnath temple in Gujarat as many number of times!

So, if Rajinikanth would have lifted even his little finger to bash up all those who invaded the subcontinent, imagine what the man in totality could have done!

He could have probably been a reason of joy for all, and none would have shed tears but our enemies. Had the superhero been the Indian Prime Minister at present, there wouldn’t have been any scams, <i>gadbads</i> and <i>ghotalas</i>, no CWG and no 2G spectrum, no trace of Kanimozi and A Raja.

Ajmal Kasab would have taken rebirth umpteen number of times. He would have pleaded for mercy and wouldn’t have liked to be treated like a VVIP at the hands of Indian law. Balance of Payment would have been in our favour, and hard-working middle-class wouldn’t have had to pay taxes.

It would have been so much easier for India to get rid of poverty and miseries. He could have scanned the length and breadth of the nation in a fraction of a second and elevated people below poverty line to the wealthier section of the Indian society.

The magnanimous personality that he is, he could even have nullified all sex-detecting machines in hospitals, and none could have ever tried to discover the sex of their unborn. Medical professionals would have never indulged in malpractices as Rajinikanth’s sixth sense would have acted as CCTV cameras.

Kashmir would have been reunited with India reclaiming the areas occupied by Pakistan.

Anti-social events wouldn’t have ever occurred and discrimination based on caste, creed and colour would have been out of question. The man could have burnt fairness cream factories into ashes and manufactured darkness lotions out of them and exported them to the West.

The superstar would have stretched his arms across the Indo-China border and stopped all illegal import of Chinese goods. Wonder what he would have done next - packaged them differently and sold it back to them for 10 times the price!

He could have even stitched full length gowns for the Poonam Pandeys, Rozlyn Khans and the Sherlyn Chopras with his handkerchief and reminded attention seeking Indian women that they aren’t sex objects. “Mind you!!!”

Rajinikanth could have done a world of good indeed if his on-screen persona could have been cloned in real life.

The <i>aam janta</i> could have then witnessed Lal Krishna Advani and Dr Manmohan Singh throwing a friendship day bash for their comrades- Anna Hazare and team, the Thackerays, Mamata Didi, Jayalalitha Amma, Akhilesh Bhaiyya and others from the league on board. Rajinikanth would have then led a choir and everyone in sync would have sung ‘Mile Sur Mera Tumhara…Toh Sur Bane Bane Humara’.

First Published: Saturday, June 16, 2012 - 18:39

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