Honour killings are not honourable
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Honour killings are not honourable

Last Updated: Wednesday, May 05, 2010, 16:49
Views 867 Comments 38  
Éminence grise
a
Nirupama Pathak – a name that has, of late, hit headlines in the national as well as international media. She was a 22-year-old journalist, reportedly three-month pregnant, who was found dead in the last week of April at her family home in Jharkhand. Nirupama’s family claims that she committed suicide, but the post-mortem report tells a different story altogether.

“The parents were frequently changing their statements. First, her mother said she died due to electrocution. Later, the family members produced a suicide note and said she killed herself by hanging from the ceiling fan. The post-mortem report says she was murdered by smothering. It also revealed that she was 10-12 weeks pregnant,” Koderma police superintendent Kranti Singh said.

Nirupama’s fault: she fell in love with a boy from another caste. The girl hails from the family of Brahmins, while her boyfriend, Priyabhanshu Ranjan, comes from different caste. “There are indications that family pride wa
s the prime motive behind the murder,” a police spokesman told reporters. The case once again highlights how common `honour killings` are in India. However, there are no official figures for the number of caste-related murders, because most of these cases go unreported, the perpetrators unpunished, but occupy the columns and slots of print and broadcast media quite often.

Nirupama’s mother, Sudha Devi, has been arrested. And if the charge is proved against her, it will be a rare case in which an educated middle-class woman will face trial for killing her own daughter.

There are many Nirupamas not only in India, but in many societies, who are burnt alive, strangulated, shot, tortured, all in the name of preserving honour of the family. What reputation does the family deserve after committing such a monstrous offence?

What is the reason behind honour killings? According to Marsha Freemen, director of International Women's Rights Action Watch at the Hubert Humphrey Institute of Public Affairs at the University of Minnesota, such killings occur in countries where the concept of women as a vessel of the family reputation predominates.

In the Indian society, women are regarded as personal property. In fact, violence against family members is perceived as a family and not a judicial issue. "Females in the family -- mothers, mothers-in-law, sisters, and cousins -- frequently support the attacks. It's a community mentality," said Zaynab Nawaz, a program assistant for women's human rights at Amnesty International.

Besides India, honour killings have been reported in Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Brazil, Ecuador, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Italy, Jordan, Pakistan, Morocco, Sweden, Turkey, and Uganda.

Notably, there is no law to deal with honour killings in India. Last year, Home Minister P Chidambaram ruled out making another law to deal with such a heinous crime, but observed “we should hang our heads in shame when such incidents take place in India in the 21st century”. Honour killings “would have to be dealt with as murder”, he said.

First of all, there should be a uniform definition of honour killing so that there is no room left for ambiguity as to what constitutes that crime. Furthermore, action should be taken against caste panchayats, which often give verdicts on inter-caste and inter-community marriages.

"At a time when the democratic sections of the society are demanding strict action against perpetrators of 'honour killings' and 'khap' panchayats, these panchayats are busy demanding amendments in the Hindu Marriages Act, which would essentially legalise the draconian, casteist diktats of the khap panchayats. Therefore, there is an urgent need for a strong and effective legislation against the khap panchayats' attempt to curb the freedom on love marriages," said National Commission for Women chairperson Girija Vyas.

Killing in the name of preserving honour only brings dishonour to the family and, largely, the country.
(The views expressed by the author are personal)
Isha - Kuwait
honor killing? or killing honor?

just think about that.
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Nabanita - Pune
speak up and get involved.

stop honor killing.
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Nasser - Chandigarh
so called honour killing is a useless trend, for which media is indirectly responsible by showing it more and more, which provokes more and more stupid people who get to know about the other killers, so why should they remain behind in the idiotic honour of their families. there are many people who do not eat meat and they condemn animal slaughter, but these freaks kill their own sons/ daughters only for their honour. to hell with such people and to hell with such honour in which people kill their own blood.
it’s only in developing nations, why don`t we hear it in china, thailand, russia, usa, and canada or in any other country???? because they are much solved and matured in their thinking and here....even educated people kill their wards. the killers should be hanged to death in public or whipped naked in public, to set examples for those who can commit such crimes in order to save thousands of those who aspire to be with each other. i ask you a question, what is inter caste??? what the hell is this caste? my caste? their caste? its all bloody human creations, no god had played any role in it. when a girl and a boy decide to remain with each other for the rest of their lives, they come to know that there is no caste in reality, its all silly people`s creation. they see each other with the eyes of humanity only. i repeat, the killers should be dealt strictly by the courts. else we will remain stucked in only such silly matters like these honour killings, riots, quota systems, babri masjid issues etc. and remain behind from rest of the world. god save india...
jai hind
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navdha kalra - delhi
as everyone know india is a democratic country after age of 18 it is legal to do marriage, then why this so called honor killing is done. and killing any one is the crime then why the killers are not punished. the killers are known are family members mostly of the girl family and the elders of the villages or the panchayat.
when killing is crime then why are the killers roaming freely ,as because our law cannot do anything of the panachayat ,then govt. should change their law or should be ready to see many more couples dying daily ...because they loved....
is loving any one is crime???? without seeing the caste...
being so educated and living in this 21st century doesnt suits any country, any parents, any sarpanch to kill any one..atleast leave this dying and birth upto the god

plzzzz plzzzzz leave your children and please let live them there life..
this is not only my voice ,,this is voice of todays youth and the tomorrow of the country..

plz be with them , they need you and you need them (your children)..
i hope these all comments of so many people could change the thinking of parents......
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rajeev ranjan - bihar (mokari)
whats the honor in the killing anyone in the name of honor? killings bring shame for the family for whole life. it must be understand by the whole society and be unite to stop the attrocities against couple and against anyone.
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Mahesh Sharma - Bhopal
i am sorry to say that indian judiciary and administration are helpless in dealing with honour killing. reason being simple, the entire society is responsible for that crime. media can highlight some of the cases only but what about the thousands of girls who are killed by own family members for marrying to boy from other cast? people who give arguments about social laws forget the life style of celebrities. are celebrities not the part of society? all social rules are for lower and middle class people only and that is why they can`t ever be happy(if follow such non sense customs). honour killing is the most brutal act at present. why don`t we create an environment of ``live and let live``? why can`t we keep humanity above society? i don`t know about the old generations but yeah, new generation definately does not support any of such brutal act. what is needed is to get united against the biggest evil of the time called honour killing. friends lets join together to save thousands of lives, to save humanity. lets say no to honour killing. love, relation and marrige are our fundamental rights, lets enjoy them and let others enjoy the same.
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chintu - Pune
@ mr. mansoor ,
``the marraige by everyone`s consent like parents, boy/girl by both families where is the problem in doing so, why boy/girl go against and run from home, missing all the happiness of marriage getting prayers of elders and much more ``

youth today smart enought to sense of good /bad.

young boys/girls run away from home only when they don`t have another option,after trying to win consent of family.

when they think their parents even wont listen to their wish.

when they think their parents will cheat on them by emotional blackmailing, for the sack of their own social reputation.

the solution for all this problem is to stop behaving like dictator,understand you child, dont assume your child is your property ,so you that can expect anything from him/her.

gain confidence of your child , so that he/she can discuss every problem with you.rest will fall automatically in place as per parents and child`s wish.
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chintu - Pune
the point :- ``in fact boy/girl should wait and prove by all means and strive to get parents consent and even if parents do not agree should not go against parents.``

put by some member in this blog sound like dictatorship.......

fyi , arranged marriage succeeds bcoz most of the time girls compromise and bears all the odd against her.
when she brought it notice to her parents (who believed they found suitable groom for their daughter) , they tell her that ``beti ab kya kar sakte hain tumhara ghar hai , tumhe chalana hai , jaisa tera pati , saas sasur kahen , suno ``.

here are few of reasons which i would like to put upfront of all of you bcoz of that arranged marriage succeds :-

1)bride generally doesn`t allow to work , hence she became financially dependent , leaving her no choice but to follow and be silent.
2)she can`t report domestic violence against her to police fearing it will ultimately break her marriage and in turn ruin life of her children (another compromise).
3)children comes in their life within 2 years of marriage.
4)her parents force her to bear all the odds , fearing it could result to hamper their social status, if she reveals it.(and they say they are parents will take right decision ,:))
5)she knows if she broke with marriage , she will be isolated in society, even parents won`t accept to accomodate her.

for me arranged marriage is a compromise,which never ends.

plz, plz.......... stop thinking your children is your propery , so you can play.
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Bharat - Bharat
i saw the news yesterday that the `boy` has been arrested on rape charges and that he is now being charged with abetment of suicide.

and so, my question is - didn`t the author and several others on this blog jump to conclusions without waiting for the charges?

i mean, what is our sanskriti coming to? why are we becoming so judgmental and blood thirsty?

shouldn`t we wait for the police to do its job before we start passing judgments?

do tell me if any of what i stated is incorrect.
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rajan - delhi
killing is good ..it will control the population of india to some extent..killing in the name of honour ,religion, caste, creeds race is also good..when u take advatges in the the name of honour ,religion, caste, creeds race..u never say it bad....or do u? when u say these things good, bad will always bound to happen...there is nothing wrong in it...but in the name of honour only good and loving people r being killed...bad people r surving..u cant kill bad people so easily...because whole system is supporting them...our system favors bad .bad means strong ,good means weak.bad people r united,good people r not.bad kills good and rules.the day of judgement is near...every this going towards deterioration...day by day the no of good people r reducing the ratio is not50:50.when this ratio gets disturb there will be crisis.a danger to humanity .this is similar to male female ratio..nature will take care of it?
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sandy - chennai
hi mansoor,

u r mom is somebodies wife too right? does ur dad think ``this`` about her. if that is true then this one of the most horrible relationships i have come across!!!!
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Rajiv Dewan - Jhumri Telaiya,Koderma.
all killings should condemned . this one too if it is true.i live where it is said to have happened.what i feel is that a gross injustice is perhaps being done to the dead lady`s family due to all this media hype.the investigation by police is being influenced if not hampered by dozens tv correspondents parked in front of the police station.the media is acting as the judge, jury and utioner all rolled into one.it is not fair.
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DR. CHETAN CHUDASAMA - ANAND
i am surprising that people are giving more importance to so called`society` over and above their siblings.your daughter or son may be your support in your old age,not anybody from this society will come to help u for which you have killed your own children.they r living in pathetic situation in their old age and nobody is paying attention to them.
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Smitha - Delhi
dear mr. mansoor,
loosing parents for a husband or wife is not good but then it doesn`t give a parent a right to kill the child also. if you are angry with your children, it doesn`t mean you should kill them, then what difference is their between a human being and a animal.
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Amar - Chennai
too much beating around bush. first of all, this case has not been proved beyond doubt that it is indeed honour killing. any loss of life be it honour killing, terrorist killing or act of rage is not good at all. why we need to focus on just honour killing alone? is it because it is convenient to sit on the high-chair & start giving loud mouthed lectures ? it is easy to generalize certain incidents and try to make sweeping statements. each honour killing will have its own family story behind though it cannot be justified but the actual reason need not be honour killing per se!
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deepak nagpal - new delhi
false sense of pride... nothing else
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rajeev singh raju - Allahabad
sorry,to talk against love. although i know in the eye of so called intellectuals, it means to curb the freedom of love. in other words if u want to see your society developed,favor the love irrespective of it`s nature,norms, values and conduction. so it is crystal clear that we have sworn up not to open mouth against lovers. it is out of my mind, who will decide whether talking in the favor of love is sign of developed mind and opposing it shows narrow thinking of society. i have never herd this so called developed generation and even any intellectual to talk about the way and nature of love. undoubtedly killing can never be justified.
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Mansoor - Hyderabad
i read the comments from many people and realized that many people have misunderstood me on my comment, some are saying i did not go to school, some said he is laughing on my comments anyways, people are getting angry because of death of the girl, i wrote earlier that killing is not at all acceptable in any religion, any law. in fact the killer shall/will be punished here and hereafter, god will never forgive that sin.
secondly i would like to highlight below
why girl/boy does not obey parents and all of a sudden leaving house or getting married without parents consent and if children do so what parents should do obey children and accept them… why?
marriage is not only happens between boy/girl it is between two families and i wrote earlier that how parents wishes their children’s marriage dreaming grand ceremony, relatives wishes blessings of elders, happiness etc and much more…so what is wrong in that (why some stupid laughs on this).
many of comments i read they agree that parents are to be obeyed, and parents only thinks good for the child, yes it is true, that’s why i wrote that arranged marriage which is in consent of two families are between men and women not with impotent person or what…where is the problem…. girl/boy can reject the proposals of parents until he/she is satisfied completely, i can say that most of the love marriages (almost 90 - 100%) are incompatible sometimes, caste issue, family lower/upper issue, boy is not earning, rich family girls with poor boys, drivers, unqualified man etc.
one comment i read that husband and wife relation is for life time, yes i do agree, but it is not a natural relation, you are a husband / wife to whom you are married and it is a fact that after marriage the closest relation is of husband/wife, but tell me if husband/wife died in young age won’t you marry other then where is the life time relation and all that..
see there is no problem in love and love marriage, but i ask one question to all.
is it good that one leaves his/her parents and ruin them and get married without their consent. in fact boy/girl should wait and prove by all means and strive to get parents consent and even if parents do not agree should not go against parents.
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Rajat Trehan - Chandigarh
dear mansoor and all

i agree to mansoor that parents should be your prime importance....but consider this that the thinking of parents as that of this unfortunate girl is really primitive and unreasonable....they don`t have the real enlightenment of being educated or call it broader outlook....if all of us were too woo and support these type of people we would be living in a place where people of different castes and religions lived in their own closed circles...do you think that the families that are open to intercaste and inter religion marriages had the same viewpoint in all their previous generations...there has been change and compromoise of ideologies and even their damn honour..there must have been fights and murders too ....but the victims and other people who are effected by such incidents grew ...they must have realised the baseless things these discriminations are

if all of us would have been pleasing our parents then we would still be seeing sati being performed in these times (hey im not even sure if there are unreported cases even now) and other comparable hideous things of other faiths .....respect your parents and continue with their wrong faiths and believes ...great....ideal situation
my family has marriages across all religions and races and let me tell you no set of people are open minded....you have to work for it ...somewhere down somebody realizes that something is wrong... their lives should not be limited by stupid belives .....

i support the notion that any adult in india should have the right to live his life any way he wants ....please your parents .....go against your parents...do whatever...without having to fear for your life ....parents have the right to abandon and isolate the children from society ....react badly ...insult....but killing what the hell...and we call taliban evil

regards to the self educated guy
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Anil Shrivastava - Delhi
first of all it is written here that the guy from with nirupama was falling in love is lower caste but it is also written over here that the caste is kayastha it altimatalaly wrong statement..kayastha caste is not in lower caste..so if her mother saying this statement that this is the case of lower and upper caste..it must be something diffrent...and whatever that is. but this is really a very rare case as i also belong from middle clas family and can`t imagine that a mother can murder of her daughter...

anil shrivastava.
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Salleeee Mansoor - Hyderabad
mr masoor...

which school did u study boy????
answer is no school, my parents are my teachers.
get educated first and then give your comments.
marraige is not jus food, dance and sex... :-)
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sunil.dandin - Hyderabad
now a days such news stories of honour killings are heard most frequently and people brand them under routine stories.but why dont nobody damn cares about the moral values that once upon a time rooted our great indian culture in glory.today we have lost moral vulues in our society.noboday cares none.our society has moven towards diffraction.this is the high time and we all need to think about it.other wise the loss will be unpredictable.
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Bharat - Bharat
i find this sentence especially offensive - `in the indian society, women are regarded as personal property.`

perhaps the author lives in a different indian society as in my indian society, women are treated equally.
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Ranjit - Trivandrum, India
in many traditional societies, the individual`s rights are subservient to those of his community. so marriage becomes a family/community matter, and not a personal matter between the boy and the girl. as people become educated and their economic status improves, one finds that individual rights are respected more.
i wouldn`t want primtive social barriers such as caste/religion to come in the way of a relationship, but i think youngsters should consider the counsel of their elders, if it stands to reason. i wouldn`t want my kids to marry criminals.
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Alex Shukla - Delhi
what is wrong with what mansoor said? if not arranged marriage, at least one should think if his/her love affair would work or not before falling in love.
why is the media not insisting on punishing the low caste boy who seduced the girl and also convinced her for pre-marital sex? for the sake of his idiotic whims, an innocent girl lost her life.
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Amardeep Singh - Gurgaon
as if all this was not enough....court directs to file a case against the man for luring the girl..on a petition from the mother....
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SMITA - DELHI(DEOGHAR JHARKHAND)
as i m from jharkhand only i believe tat people around bihar and jharkhand only think their children r their society status .i was so shocked tat people still believe in society and as they r saying tat boy is of lower cast but i don`t thik kayastha belong to lower caste. poor nirupama pathak she thought tat her parents will accept her love.her mother should hang till death,not because killing her daughter but killing the word mother.it is not case of honour killings but it is a murder.and i don`t think she was 10-12 weeks pregnant,this is all family drama to convert murder into suicide .i just pray to god to keep nirupama pathak`s soul in peace.
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Rajiv - Bangalore
i just couldn`t stop laughing after reading mansoor`s comment.

look at this moron, he is talking about delicious food & enjoyment....seems like all these are the important issues that should be taken care of first and not the happiness of the girl & the boy who have to spend their whole life together. lolz!!

i am still laughing at his comments & don`t want to say nething else cz, if we respond to these type of psychos & give them importance, they will....huh!!
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Ashish - mumbai
i am 100% agreed with mr mansoor.why the parents should suffer every time.todays boys/girls don`t think about sacrifices and sufferings their parents have gone through to bring them up.for just one person to whom they even don`t know very well they broke the hearts of parents.sometimes they should also made sacrifice.
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mini - hyderabad
mr mansoor, i don`t agree with your statement: ``but husband or wife is a relation which is not natural you are a wife or husband to whom you married...which can be any number if you want.....``. this is not the case in all the socities and all the religions. the life parter is for the life. i am an example of an arranged marriage where as a wife i am not given any value by my in-laws who have in turn brainwashed my husband and give me threats to send me off from my house, or take my children away from me, or not let me go for work... if i silently don`t listern to the abuses that my mother-in-law hails on me. you see women are always the sufferers in all the cases...be it a daugther or a dauther-in-law.
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Ramesh Siwach - New Delhi
the media tells one side story. no body tells who brought that girl in this universe and who brought her up for 22 years. the todays young generation talks about their rights only and they don`t talk about their duties towards their parents. in earlier days there were arranged marriages which were stable as compared to todays marriages which are full of divorces, even on the day of the marriage, because they do all those things which are supposed to be done after marriage. it is a lifelong pain the parents are left to suffer. the feelings of the parents should be given due waitage. overall we are not animals but human beings. last but not the least all the parents think well for their children and children should understand their feelings and respect them to lead a happy life. moreover one can say it honour killing when it happens in other`s house. when it happens in their house, everybody knows how painful it is.
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Mansoor - Hyderabad
i just want to say that, i 100% agree with what miss kamna is saying, killing is not all acceptable crime in view of any law and also in any religion, but on the other hand we should also see why such thing happened.

why boys/girls do such a big mistake of leaving home and getting married with a person whom parents doesn`t like and not his/her match from any angle,

tell me honestly, the marriage is a dream of parents and also boy/girl, if it is with consent of parents and by all including boy and girl, that marriage is performed with all the traditions, enjoyments, good marraigae ceremony and delicious food and all relatives and friends gives good wishes to the couple and parents feel so proud on the occassion, this is all religions.

i want to ask one simple question, the marraige by everyone`s consent like parents, boy/girl by both families where is the problem in doing so, why boy/girl go against and run from home, missing all the happiness of marriage getting prayers of elders and much more.... then why parents should not not get angry on the boy/girls.... i ask you why parents should forgive and accept the boy/girl and lead the life like nothing has happened.

the boy/girl ed by parents with all his/her consent what is the problem in that... after all parents arranging marriage of he/she with a boy/girl... not with impotent person or what... then why boys/girls on their own and loose parents forever.

finally, i will strongly say, that the boy/girl run away from house leaving parents like to die daily. moreover... its a natural fact that, mother, father,sisters, brother these are the natural relations which god give only once....only once... and if you loose them you wont get them.... but husband or wife is a relation which is not natural you are a wife or husband to whom you married... which can be any number if you want.....

please i request all who read this especially young boys/girls... dont loose your parents doing such a sin. because you wont get them back.....please dont do....parents first....then the rest.... you can marry as many as you want but where from you will bring parents....
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Tulika Das - kolkata
india is developing..this is the common line we often use..if such act means india is developing then it is a shame for the indians..come on we are living in the 21st century..people are still backdated being even educated..we shuould not wait for the system to change...but we should atleast now take some initiative to change our mind set and the typical foolish opinions without any logic..severe punishments should be given to the person/persons involved with honour killing..
rip nirupama pathak
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Tolstoy - Bangalore
love is beyond caste and creed so to say it is spontaneous. no one would stand at the corner and reflects on whom one should love. it happens just like that and a boy or a girl who is of age can very well his/her own partner within the social framework. the elders role is to guide and direct them for a good future and if the elders are not able to correct or help them. their duty should end there. the family can not own their children as their propeerty so to kill them. it is national shame when it happens to educated and so called civilized families. woe to the education that we have in our country.
please, for heaven`s sake do not kill any body for any honour. it is contradiction in terms.
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Radifa-Guyana - Guyana
well..our parents,they try to bring us up with good moral vvalues because they love us.they r strict because they don`t wanted us to stray out of the straight path.that don`t means they should murder us if we just don`t follow all their rules.what they will get out of this?respect?a child learn from his mistake until he/she have kids then they said“now i know why my parents was so strict”.honour killing is not the solution to change ur kids life but be the closest person to ur child and listen whatevr is bothering them...just advise.
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Team gomiddleeast - Turkey
people are discussing love, but this is about traditions that people have a hard time fighting. people are afraid to break and change traditions because of social pressure. if people had more help and support from the government to change this, it would be easier. as well for the youth who needs help when they don`t see the social ``rules`` the same as their parents. at our site www.gomiddleeast.com we try to offer solutions to this issues, please visit and help contribute to finding solutions.

team gomiddleeast
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indian - india
this is just not at all fair.love is not a fault this honor killing and all is just bloody thing.everyone falls in love but only few have their love in that limit that they decide to be together forever.this honor killing stuff should be stopped people have to understand that its none of their buisness to interfere in others life.india is leading in this thing.and i dont want this to happen.
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