It’s Exit for ol’ Bill, but certainly not Delete.
After making billions of dollars, inventing hundreds of hardware and software technologies and heralding a new era with the PC, the Microsoft chief decided to close that window. Or perhaps he has shuffled on to another tab.
For, can you imagine the man who made hi end technology a mass product sip at his Starbucks, rocking in a grandfather’s chair and watching the grass grow?
Before you punch in ‘Yes, nothing wrong with that, ’just spare a tinny KB of your mind space to the billions of dollars that Bill has stored I-dunno-where, the ingenuous entrepreneurial spirit that led him to create what many critics called a monster in the technology world (Microsoft, of course) and the brilliant brain (I could give my left and right hand for it- with that brain who needs hands!) which goes on pressing ‘view’ for all hidden files called brainwaves.
But really, what more can you do when you have already
achieved what the rest of the world can only imagine in their entire lifetime?
Here are ten answers:
1. Complete college: About time you knew your math from your psychology Bill. Now that you don’t have to care about creating a new company for eking out a living, why don’t you complete your college and pass out with a respectable degree in hands. Your wife will be so happy to see you throw your graduation cap in air as you- without doubt- make the first grade in whatever University you choose to honour by your presence- IIT is a good option only stay clear of entrance exam blues. Your kids will be so proud of you. Of course some Microsoft shareholders may pass out on realizing you are NOT an MBA from Ivy League.
2. Gandhigiri: Not only did you bring out a system that could have paralyzed the whole world in the year 2000 (Remember Y2K?), you also ensured there was no alternative. Time to take a crash course in ‘Live and Let Live’ aka Gandhigiri. Bapu may not be around, but I am sure Munnabhai can send across Circuit to help you rehab.
3. Hot Yoga: Long life- everybody wants it, few can have it. With all the money you have and no work in hand, you will need a lot of good health and long life to savour whatever that cash can buy. Yoga asanas will be a great help. Not only will you be energized, you may get some new ideas about interesting names for new software that your juniors will now make for you- Kapalbhati sounds cool on a new fresh OS. And if the hirsute Ramdev is not your cup of latte, then there is the hot Shilpa Shetty showing off her perfect curves in special Yoga DVDs. (O)Mmmmm….
4. Join a call centre: I know, with all that money Bill can easily start another BPO in where else but Gurgaon, but hey then what’s the point in leaving Microsoft? It would be better if he joins some call centre in where else but Gurgaon or NOIDA and execute his latest plan- acquiring Yahoo. Here’s how: send unsolicited calls to Jerry Yang (Yahoo CEO) saying in an Indian/neutral accent “Sir, our company is offering you a special offer whereby a giant company is willing to takeover..er..I mean take care of your company…we have a discount too!”. He can also text message to all Yahoo employees telling how good Microsoft is with Bill Gates not around!
5. Green Warrior: Now that you have achieved your aim of having ‘ a PC on every desk’ in most of the developed world, time to clear up the mess. Electronic waste forms a large part of ecology worries. Global warming is the next hot thing. It’s a challenge. Calls for Bill’s money and brains to help the planet breath easy. Your new motto- Transform Earth into a smiley, ASAP.
6. Chalo Bollywood!: Bill Gates loves India. His boyish face can give the chocolaty newcomers in Bollywood a run for their money. As far as six packs go, well who needs six packs when you have approximately 60 bn dollars in account! Moreover, we need a fresh concept of a hero now- someone of today’s era yet belonging to the future (much like India). Bill quite fits the bill if you consider a version of Harry Potter to be made in India. And he has already tried his hand at acting if you remember the advertisement about what can Bill do after retirement. But dancing around the trees, well that’s another program all together.
7. Become an Indian citizen: Heckling with everyone from the visa guys to the doodhwallahs, taking care that your papers have ALL the signatures, negotiating traffic on Delhi roads, trying to talk to someone calmly when they have hit your car, deciding on which party to vote when each of them looks similar on big agenda, getting permission for landing a copter on your terrace- that’s a full time new enchanting occupation that only incredible India offers, Bill. Contact me if you are interested, there is somebody I know in the embassy, will charge YOU moderately of course.
8. Kill Bill, kill: Just go and find Tarantino Bill after what he did with you…your name I mean. Whatever. And then, kill Bill. Or atleast sue him for billions- you still want to remain the richest guy, na?
9. Stand for President: Its high time the Americans got themselves a President who truly is like them and represents them: rich, geeky, insecure, business minded, powerful, wears loose clothes with pants that are low waist, have beautiful wives, huge house (with, ideally, no mortgage probs), control freaks and well, large hearted. Guess who am I talking about?
10. Retire, again: Did you see that? It was mostly good news about Microsoft and you that got splashed all over the world on your last day in office. After years of negative publicity, your retirement has proved good for the company you built. So, make a habit of retiring from Microsoft Bill. And hey don’t forget to send me the invite to the retirement party man…with the return ticket of course!
We will surely miss you Bill Gates!
That old Microsoft Operating System %^&*##$%!!
(The views expressed by the author are personal)