Once again, like last year, it’s been long since I wrote something. Neither a blog nor an article has churned out of my ‘recession-hit’ factory. Nothing! So, what should I write on? The same troubling question crops up again! Why do we need a topic to write on; why can’t we just start and end without worrying about what we are writing? How to beat the writer’s block? I don’t have the answer. In fact, I would be the last person on earth to answer this question! Anyways, that’s another matter to be debated upon in times of leisure.
At present, I am worried since I haven’t been meeting my assigned quota of monthly write-ups for the past two months. I have been seeing my boss pulling up my colleagues for failing to ‘write’ – the least she should expect from people working for a news portal. So, here I am… I want to write… because I don’t want to be pulled up in front of everyone. How embarrassing that would be!
Anyways, let’s worry about the topic now instead of imagining how my boss would be pulling me up. Commonwealth Games… yes, that’s the topic to write on this time. Though everyone, who knows how to write, is writing on the same topic, still I believe I would be having something new to tell. Okay, Games… yeah Games…. What’s that angle I was thinking about? Yeah, cheer girls! Oh yeah, after IPL cheer girls have become a rage in India. Those semi-clad girls jumping at every four or six hit or when any batsman gets out! If not for cheer girls (if at all they make them a part of the extravaganza), who would be coming to watch the CWG? Won’t it be a big risk? The prospect of a stadium collapsing on your head, or the surface beneath your feet caving in (and you know why, don’t you?) makes it scary to watch the Games, for which we still don’t know where to get the tickets from.
And did I hear correctly the tickets for the opening ceremony are going for 50,000 bucks. Mr Suresh Kalmadi surely knows how to fatten his… errr…CWG Organising Committee’s bank accounts. And now he is surely in for the time of his life, after the Games get over (if at all they are held in India after all the mess). Every investigating agency sleuth, attention-seeking opposition politician, news-hungry journalist et al would be after Kalmadi’s life, to unearth the real picture of (probably) India’s biggest scam ever.
Yeah, true… a big scam, but what I am writing is not turning out to be what I was thinking… I think I need to change the topic…‘rains’… yeah rains have been lashing the national capital for the past many days… the Monsoon god seems to be happy with Delhi this time and is showering his blesses on Delhiites. But little does he realize that an average Delhiite’s (even a wealthy Delhiite’s) life is already dug up, and filling it with water makes it just slushier. Did you ask ‘dug up in what sense’? If you have lately traveled on any major road of Delhi, you will know. Pits galore, roads non-existent, barricades claiming ‘Men at Work’, one is forced to ask himself - when will men in Delhi go to ‘rest’? Too much for a city of laid-backs!
And it’s all being done in the name of Commonwealth Games, but even Ms Sheila Dikshit (the honourable CM of Delhi) doesn’t seem to know how and when they are going to put the mud back into the pit. And hey! I have a secret to share. While everybody is worried about whether Delhi would be ready in time for the October 3-14 Commonwealth Games, Ms Dikshit is busy preparing for the ‘Mud-and-Pit Games’.
Wondering what these are? The ‘games’ are the Delhi government’s back-up plan in case the city fails to be ready in time for CWG 2010. If that happens, Ms Dikshit’s government will use the same ‘incomplete infrastructure’ to conduct the Mud-and-Pit Games.
If you are wondering how, let me explain. The athletics track would be used for races, but instead of being the fastest in 100m, 200m etc the athletes will win gold, silver or bronze for finishing with least slush on their clothes. Cyclists will vie for gold by finishing with the least number of stuck-ups in slush-filled pits. The determining factor for weight-lifters will not be the ‘weights’ but how well they are able to tackle the leaky roof of the stadium.
And Hockey, out national game… here, the teams would compete at the under-construction Shivaji Stadium (calling it ‘incomplete’ would be giving it some form of credibility in terms of completion!). And the winning formula here: Clear all the rubble lying on the turf and put it in the dust-net…errr net. The team with most no of concrete rubble ‘goals’ will win!
So, I hope you have got a sense of what the Delhi government is up to… Now, yeah… oh, I was writing a blog and I just forgot that mid-way… in the excitement to share the Games’ secret with you.
Well, I’m still not getting a decent topic (on which I have a command) to write on. No, ‘sex’ won’t be the saviour for me this time around unlike last year. I was physically targeted by almost every male colleague of mine for revealing their ‘sex secrets’ in a public blog, and it proved too costly for my pocket as I had failed to renew my medical insurance! I am still repaying the loan taken to pay my hospital bills.
So, here I am, ready to end the blog in the search of a topic to write…and like last year I think I have to give up again. Almost two sheets are covered with my extempore on CWG secrets and search for a topic…with…ahem…no result. I just hope to be excused this time again. Sorry boss... next month please…