Couples sculpt each other for ideal selves

Partners who support each other`s ideal selves have a wonderful relationship.

Washington: Partners who support each other`s ideal selves go on to have a wonderful relationship together, reveals a new study. The researchers have dubbed it the `Michelangelo phenomena`.

Just as the sculptor chisels, carves and polishes away flaws in the stone to reveal the ideal form, skillful partners support their loved ones` dreams, aspirations and the traits they hope to develop. The research team studied how people grow toward their ideal selves over time as a result of how their partners treat them. They found that individuals were especially likely to grow toward their ideal selves when their partners viewed them in line with this ideal. The process ultimately promoted both relational and personal well-being for both partners. "When our partners can chisel and polish us in a way that helps us to achieve our ideal self, that`s a wonderful thing," said Eli Finkel, associate professor of psychology in the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences at Northwestern University. "To the degree that the sculpting process has gone well, that you have helped mould me toward my ideal self, the relationship functions better and both partners are happier. And over the long term, I more or less come to reflect what my partner sees and elicits from me," Finkel added. Supporting a partner`s image of his ideal self, whether it is a vague yearning or a clearly articulated mental representation, helps the loved one reduce the discrepancy between the actual self and the ideal self. However, a relationship can run into trouble when an individual emphasizes attributes that are peripheral to the core elements of what a partner ideally wishes to become. For instance, Mary, a leading researcher and a beauty. If she prizes her scholarly accomplishments above her physical virtues, she will feel disaffirmed when her partner affectionately refers to her as his "Colorado cutie." What that term of endearment represents could ultimately doom the relationship. People, who are warm and empathic, are better sculptors than others and are particularly adept at bringing out others` ideal selves. Some individuals may be on the verge of achieving great personal growth and be open to any number of people who could help them. And others, the studies show, may have a much more difficult time bringing out someone`s ideal self or be much more resistant to the Michelangelo effect. The study appears in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science. ANI