Book unravels ‘click’ factor with strangers
London: Ever wondered how you hit an instant rapport with a stranger? Well, this ‘click’ is not as natural as you think, and it involves five basic factors to hot it off really well with another person, according to authors of a book.
Authors of a new book, ‘Click, The Magic Of Instant Connections’—Rom and Ori Brafman—have studied the science of the ``click``.
``We`ve discovered that there are five factors involved in a click that show up time after time across different contexts. They are vulnerability, proximity, resonance, similarity and environment,” the Daily Mail quoted Ori as saying.
Understanding these different processes, they say, will make it easier to connect with people, and explains why sometimes the reasons we click with someone are more obvious - and less serendipitous - than you might think.
The first of the five factors makes perfect sense: when you``re willing to open up, the other person is far more likely to be honest about themselves in return. even a small ``reveal`` that demonstrates you``re human and fallible will instantly relax your new friend.
But on a socially acceptable level, ``allowing yourself to be vulnerable helps the other person to trust you, precisely because you are putting yourself at an emotional, psychological, or physical risk`` says Ori.
“When you``re both candid in revealing who you are, you create an environment that can lead to an instant connection - a click,” said Ori.
It could be Fate that you fell head-over-heels for that handsome stranger you met in a coffee shop - or perhaps you simply discovered you lived near each other. Because another key element in clicking is proximity.
Studies have found that genuine cheek-by-jowl proximity is more likely to result in genuine rapport, which may explain the number of unlikely romances that form on TV shows such as ‘I``m A Celebrity...’ and ‘Big Brother’.
So if you want to engineer a click, make sure you`re as close as you can get.
For a true click to take place, we also have to experience what the Brafmans describe as ``resonance``.
Resonance begets resonance. Flow - the experience of being in the zone - help us to create resonance, a quality that can draw others to us.
It`s the feeling you get when you``re filled with well-justified confidence in your abilities, and the sense that you``re entirely comfortable in your skin.
One study found we`re 30 times more likely to laugh at a joke in the presence of others than if we hear it when we`re alone. “Resonance is contagious,” said Ori.
Forget that ``opposites attract`` stuff. They might do for five minutes, till you find yourself checking your watch as he bangs on about World Of Warcraft.
A genuine click won`t happen without similarity.
We`re designed, say the authors, to seek out our ``in group`` - the people who are most like us.
“Our immediate or extended family is an in-group,`` explained Ori.
“We tend to perceive in-group members in a more favourable light. This drive is so deeply ingrained that even casual conversations that reveal similarities naturally trigger the in-group response,” added Ori.
That`s why we tend to share likes and dislikes so readily in small talk; it``s a way of weeding through potential group members.
We`ll regularly find that we get on well with someone, or fancy them, or enjoy the conversation. But a true click is more than that. It often leads to marriage, friendships that last for decades or a great working partnership.
The final push towards a click is environment.
Stories of disgruntled passengers banding together, disaster survivors staying in touch or workers joining together to take on a terrible boss are commonplace.
That`s because, according to the Brafmans, shared adversity is more likely to create a deep rapport.
“How many times have you reached out to another person by complaining about work, the weather or the economy - an overture that may have ultimately led to a friendship or deeper relationship?” asked Ori.
“A growing body of research suggests that the greater the intensity of the adversity, the stronger the bond established,” added Ori.
“Clicking can be defined as an immediate, deep and meaningful connection with another person. It brings about a unique, almost euphoric state, and permanently alters the fundamental nature of the relationship.`` said Ori.