London: Michelle Williams still finds it difficult to come to terms with the death of Heath Ledger and says his absence is like a permanent hole in her life.
Williams has a five-year-old daughter with Ledger, who died three-years ago because of an accidental overdose of prescription drugs.
She has always shied away from talking about her relationship with Ledger, which had its ups and downs, but the actress opens up about the tragedy in an emotional interview to Marie Claire magazine.
"Very obviously for me and for her, there`s a hole in our life. Of course, the natural inclination is to want to fill it and make it disappear, but what I`ve come to recently is that it`s impossible," Williams said.
"Nothing will fit in that hole because what we want back, we can`t get, which is this one person. I`m not going to rush anything and scamper around like a mad person and make myself crazy. I`m trying to be respectful of the absence. I`m not trying to fill it up. It is what it is," she said.
Since Heath`s death in 2008, Williams, 30, has been linked to director Spike Jonze and more recently her `Blue Valentine` co-star Ryan Gosling but the actress dismisses it as rumours.
"My poor mom really wants me to meet someone,` she tells the magazine. I think she wanted to believe the Ryan Gosling rumour more than anybody," says Williams.
The star, who worked with Ledger in gay drama `Brokeback Mountain`, credits her work for "carrying her through" the aftermath of Ledger`s death.
"My work has seen me through a lot of situations, and if not for work, I would have stayed stuck in the experience," she says.
Williams admits that being a single parent has "its good days and its bad days."
"The loneliness of decision-making is one of the most difficult parts but I have learned to ask for and accept help. When things are difficult for me as a single parent, I always reflect on how much harder it would be if I didn`t have money," she said.
"Everyone has challenges; everyone has a tragedy. I met mine a little early. Or a lot early."