London: A letter allegedly written by Mel Gibson has revealed that the actor feared his anger was "out of control" and he was suffering "some kind of male menopause" as his relationship with Oksana Grigorieva collapsed.
Gibson reportedly penned the rambling note to Grigorieva in December 2008, more than a year before the couple``s split and the January (10) bust-up when the Russian singer claims the actor knocked out her teeth.
In the letter, obtained by TMZ.com, the writer describes feeling so out of control he "could drink or commit a crime" and talks about going away to seek help for his problems.
"I don`t know why I`m so whacky (sic) and depressed but I need to get well and re-enter life,” the Daily Star quoted the letter as saying.
“Please don`t be upset I`ve gone - I`m just not myself and feel bad when I am so f**ked up and sick around you. I don`t want to inflict this unhealthy version of myself on you.
"Maybe it`s some kind of male menopause... or God knows! This isn`t who I was meant to be - I know it. I`m so ragged I could drink or commit a crime.
“The anger seems to be out of my control - I need to do something about it something lasting - not just a band aid," he wrote.
The letter added, "I love you! I need you! I can`t live without you!"