How to manage friends post marriage?

Bikas Bhagat

Well, it might sound a little off the beaten path on friendship day, but you cannot deny the fact that after marriage, there is slight decline in the kind of bonhomie that you once shared with friends when single.

You might specially feel offended by the term ‘manage’ here for in matters of friendship, how can there be something to ‘manage’ or ‘handle’? It sounds more like you are trying to cope with an unavoidable state of arrangement? If you think likewise, here’s some respite for your afflicted soul.

After you are married, you eventually come to terms with the reality that your time has been divided between spouse and the gang you used to hang around. Obviously, all the priority issues would start cropping up which until now sounded like words of wisdom.

Life changes after marriage and you feel a first-hand acknowledgment.

You experience a subtle loss. You don`t call your friends as often and the number of calls drops. You beg off from lunch dates and you forgo plans to head out for movies or a get together.

And if one tries to reason that it’s often blamed that now that you have a special person in your life, who else do you need? But the truth of the matter is, marriages are wonderful, but they cannot be end all of everything.

Human lives are interconnected with each other and among the relationships that we have with our families or our spouses, the one with our friends are extremely precious. The simple reason being - friendship is not guided by any of our instincts; it comes naturally in our lives and is bound by emotions.

Here, it’s important to realise that whatever your status is - single or married, friends are friends. It is up to you to make sure your friends feel comfortable with you (and if possible with your spouse).

Now, the problem arises in a situation when there are friends who your spouse doesn’t approve of, and there are your spouses’ friends you don’t like, (of course the reason of dislike at the first place shouldn’t be that you don’t like her friends because she doesn’t like your friends!) but that doesn’t mean that you should stop yourself or your spouse to talk to that friend.

Invite them home for a good time together.

And before you plan those, make your limits clear. Neither you nor your friend can expect that you will still guzzle beer and gossip about that hot girl!

Friendship must have been the last thing you thought would get affected after you got married.

While most of us don`t do it deliberately, there is a line of exclusion that seems to divide us from our single and married friends.

It`s a sad fact that marriage can alter friendships, but it`s important to recognise that your circle of friends are as important after you get married as they were before.

So, getting married doesn`t mean your friendships and your camaraderie with your gang ends - it just means those relationships like yourself, has to evolve and that too for good!

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