The Wedding dilemma in Pakistan

Islamabad: A shared wedding with 24 other couples was not the nuptial send-off that 36-year-old Pakistani bride Rukhsana had dreamed of since she was a child. But the mass ceremony organised by an NGO in Karachi is a small attempt to break Pakistan's cycle of exorbitant wedding excesses that can mar what should be a joyful day and even deny poorer people the chance to marry altogether.

"I am extremely happy that I am going to my own house tonight (with my husband)," Rukhsana told the media. "But part of me is sad as I never thought that my wedding would take place like this."

"I had pictured, like the weddings of my older siblings, the fanfare and festivities of a mayun, mehndi , barat and rasmain ," she said, naming rituals that comprise traditional Pakistani wedding celebrations lasting up to four days.

The 25 couples of limited means also received a dowry of Rs.50,000 to begin their new lives together, thanks to Saylani Welfare Trust International, which plans to arrange at least 200 weddings a month.

Insufficient dowry is a reason many brides get "left on the shelf" by prospective grooms, and the government may soon impose a Rs. 50,000 limit, a little over the average annual wage in Pakistan.

But in all aspects, from costumes to venues to numbers of invited guests, Pakistani weddings over the years mushroomed into unbridled displays of wealth and status, prompting the central authorities to draw the line. Former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif had some success by imposing limits. After President Pervez Musharraf came to power in 1999, he also banned fireworks and extra- decorative lighting on houses and wedding venues. Other measures tried and dropped included a maximum of 200 guests.

However, people with connections could often evade the obstacles and be as lavish as they wanted, prompting doubts about the efficacy and fairness of such laws.

"The wedding extravagance is madness and needs to be stemmed, but through a social movement and not legislation," argues lawyer Babar Sattar.

Moreover, some constraints on over-abundance were criticised for doing plenty of harm as well as good. In particular, the law of 2000 included a flat ban with hefty fines on serving food during weddings, except meals served to guests within the house.

Seen by many people as contradicting basic Islamic hospitality, the move actually hiked wedding costs. Hotels increased rent on halls to cover losses from food, and guests from out of town often had to be served through special caterers. Many workers in the catering industry were hard hit until the food law was finally changed last October.

"It's much better now," said Fayyaz Ahmed, a manager at the Hanif Rajput catering company, one of the largest in Pakistan. "Now wedding organisers may serve one main dish with rice, salad, bread and a sweet, and as much barbecued food as they like, nobody comes to complain."

But food is only one bone of contention. Costume and make-up for bride and groom can amount to a few hundred thousand rupees, while planners who coordinate the functions can charge up to Rs.500,000. Add stage designers, flower arrangers, photographers and video makers and this can easily outweigh the food tab.

Then there is the dowry and gifts, which are often presented in front of the guests, adding to pressure to give something spectacular. Parliamentarians are now moving to set a ceiling of Rs.50,000 on dowry and Rs.1,000 for wedding gifts.

"It would provide relief to those persons who cannot afford a large dowry, and greedy people will be discouraged," said Senator Anwar Bhinder, the author of a bill that may soon form the basis of a new law.

Bureau Report