Mumbai: `Kajra re` crooner Alisha Chinai, who turned 49 earlier this week with a quiet birthday at her residence in Alibag with only her dad for company, finds it tough being "companion-less".
Nevertheless, she`s "happy being the queen in my own castle".
"I`ve been on my own for many years now. And I`d be pretending if I said I didn`t miss that someone special in my life. It`s been very tough on me to be companion-less," Alisha said.
"Lekin love meri fitrat aur kismet mein nahin (Love is not in my nature and destiny). It`s better to accept the karmic truth than to keep searching for something that destiny has not willed for you and hurt yourself repeatedly by trying to get it," she added.
Alisha was married to Rajesh Jhaveri in the 1980s. They separated after her career took off. In 2003, she was in a serious relationship with a Canadian musician-entrepreneur Romel Kazzouah. The two of them almost made it to the altar before they broke up.
Singer of several numbers of the past decade, Alisha says she`s a giver in any relationship. But it all goes in vain.
"I gave everything I could to make my relationships work. But fate had other plans. I`d be lying if I said I don`t miss love in my life. Of course I do. But after so many years, love has become an fantasy in my head rather than a reality on my bed.
"Reality bites. And I`ve to admit I am better off alone. Love sounds better in a song. I am happy being the queen in my own castle," she added.
Today with the slump in the music industry and the fight over royalty with a leading recording company, Alisha is happy crooning a song once in a while. The last time she sang for a film, it was for composer Rajesh Roshan in `Krissh 3`.
But Alisha is now poised to cut her own album.
"I am still smiling and I am ready for a comeback," she said.
Looking back, the `Made in India` singer is grateful for all that she has received.
"Some people crib about the thorns in the roses. I am grateful there are some roses in a bouquet of thorns! My life has not been a bed of roses. My failures have inspired me more than my success," she said.
Alisha was delighted to be inundated with birthday wishes on Twitter.
"It was exhausting but very satisfying. I didn`t realize I had so many diehard fans! It feels good. Yeah, life is beautiful."