London: ‘X Factor’ judge Nicole Scherzinger says she suffered from eating disorder bulimia in the past, and she hated herself for it.
The 34-year-old revealed her struggle with the disorder in a new VH1 documentary ‘Behind The Music’, reports thesun.co.uk.
"I just hated myself. I really was so disgusted with myself and so embarrassed. I felt so alone. I was in a group, and I never felt so alone in my life," said Scherzinger.
The former Pussycat Dolls member would self-induce vomiting.
"I did it every day for, like, years. Every time I had a second to be alone, I was doing something to myself. You get, like, blisters on your hands or scars on your hands, and I`d try to hide those. I think the girls could tell," she added.
Scherzinger says she felt ashamed of her problems, but couldn`t share it with anyone.
"It`s embarrassing. I never spoke about it. Like I said, I never want to play a victim, and I never wanted my family to hear about things from me because I think it would break their heart, you know.
"I guess it was like my addiction, right? I never did drugs, but kind of doing things to myself was my addiction. It`s like when I got off stage, I was on this high, and I`d come back to my room and I`d be alone, so I would just do things. My bulimia was my addiction; hurting myself was my addiction," she added.
But she admits, "music is what saved me. It`s the only thing that I can trust."