Zee Media Bureau/Udita Madan
New Delhi: Are you about to or deciding to step into marital bliss? Are you feeling the pangs just thinking about your first night? If that's the cause of your anxiety, there's no need to worry.
Most couples foster nervous speculations and deep seated performance anxiety about their first night of closeness and this is not unusual.
Every man wonders whether he will be able to make a good impression on his spouse on their first night together and vice versa.
Maybe it's because of your friend's experiences on their respective first nights or other things that you might have read on the internet, that you're getting anxious and understandably so. After all, this part of a married life holds high importance too.
Knowing the exact way to get it right is a complicated task and if gone wrong, you may end up facing a catastrophic situation in your bedroom.
The anxiety can stem from a number of factors like self–doubt, fears, misconceptions, unawareness and lack of information and it can also be due to unrealistic expectations. Below are some simple tips ways to deal with it:
1. Don't harbour any expectations:
Remember that the first night is not about proving yourself. This goes especially for men. This has nothing to do with proving your manhood. Don’t get trapped in that cycle.
2. Premarital sex counselling:
If you're worried because you're not a virgin and think this will put a dampener on your first night, this is for you. Counselling helps in reducing the anxiety and in understanding yourself better. You can be assured that your fears and anxieties will be addressed in a professional manner, providing you with the insight you require.
3. Talk to your friend or close ones:
Sharing things that worry you with people whom you are close to is equivalent to therapy. Tell them about what is making you anxious. You may get their perspective as well as suggestions on how to handle the anxiety.
Setting aside some alone time to tackle this issue head-on may help you in figuring out the main reason for your anxiety. Ignoring it or pretending that it is not important will not make your anxiety go away.
5. Talk to your partner:
Even tough today's generation doesn't think twice before engaging in premarital sex, there are couples around, who prefer to consummate their relationship after they get married. Talk to your respective others about what you expect the first night to be like. Talk even about birth control methods. Try to be open and confide about what you are looking forward to and what you are apprehensive about. This won’t just make you aware about each other, but will also help your partner to be sensitive to your needs and vice versa.
6. Be honest with yourself:
Ask yourself what exactly is making you anxious? Is it the idea of sex or the act in itself? Is it your inhibitions and shyness? Is it self-doubt? Is it that you are afraid of it? Or do you feel it is an act establishing approval or accomplishment?
7. Information is the key:
Get proper information about what to expect, especially if you haven’t been involved in a sexual relationship before. Clear your doubts and become aware of what you can expect.
Always remember that you have the rest of your married lives to find out more about each other at every level – mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and sexually. It is not necessary you consummate your marriage on the first night itself. That is an expected notion and it doesn’t exactly have to be yours too.