The Dark Side of Politeness: 7 Phrases to Avoid

Suhaani Gupta
Oct 29, 2024

“I’m not being rude, but”

Often followed by rudeness, this phrase indicates a lack of awareness of others’ feelings. It suggests permission to offend while disregarding social sensitivity. Aim for thoughtful expression without needing such qualifiers.

“Calm down”

Intended to soothe, this phrase can be dismissive and patronizing. It may invalidate someone's feelings or suggest control over their emotions. Show empathy instead by actively listening and validating their emotions.

“I was just trying to help”

This phrase may excuse intrusive actions that aren’t well-received. It can come off as presumptuous rather than supportive. Instead, ask how you can assist to respect others’ needs and feelings.

“It’s just a joke”

Using humor to mask hurtful comments shows insensitivity. This phrase dismisses the feelings of those offended and shifts blame onto them. Apologize sincerely when humor causes discomfort to maintain respect.

“Just saying”

This phrase often follows controversial opinions, appearing dismissive of their impact. It can undermine credibility and responsibility for one’s words. Stand by your statements and engage in constructive discussions instead.

“With all due respect”

Often used before criticism, this phrase can put listeners on guard. It indicates that disrespect is coming despite its polite introduction. Express disagreements directly and constructively for better communication.

“I’m just being honest”

This typically precedes blunt remarks, suggesting honesty is an excuse for rudeness. It implies harshness is acceptable, which can harm relationships. Deliver honesty kindly and thoughtfully to maintain respect.

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