So many of us hear or read about wife battering. We often take wife beating as a phenomena that is limited to the low income group of society. There’s a general tendency to imagine someone, who is crude and uneducated to indulge in such a heinous act. But is wife beating really just confined to the lower rung, or IS IT? Manushri Bahukhandi finds out. Talking to one victim, who has suffered mental, emotional and physical abuse time and again, and by no means belongs to the plebian class, I found that the answer is clearly no.
“I was 19, when my marriage was fixed with a promising and a very attractive young Army officer. He swept everyone off their feet with his charisma and his magnetic personality. His mannerism, seeing that every small detail is taken care off, made my family sure that he is the one for me.
All efforts were made to inquire about my husband, his family, everything! And we were all told that he is a gem of a boy, and no one would leave such a person. What more could I or my parents ask for. My marriage was fixed. My life was filled happiness and I felt couldn’t have been more perfect.”
The initial shock

“After our marriage, we went to Srinagar, where my husband was posted. Amidst green mountains and beautiful scenery, I planned to start my new life- my married life. But not in my wildest dream did I foresee what lay ahead of me. All my husband’s charisma vanished, as it had actually never really existed. My husband was an alcoholic, and worse - a wife beater.
How could it be? How could my prince charming turn into an ugly monster overnight? Was I dreaming? But the very next day after the crushing blows had come down upon me, my husband turned apologetic, I forgave him and he again became my loving husband, and I soon forgot about my horrible experience. But that was my biggest mistake. And I soon found out.” The torture heaps

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“My transformation soon began. From a chirpy and a vivacious person, I became withdrawn and serious. No one could guess the reason for that, everyone thought that my marriage life had made me a serious person. Yes my married life had made me a serious person, but for the wrong reason.
I kept thinking that probably once I have kids, everything will change for the better. There will be no more volley of blows, no more abuses and no more torture. But this was my second mistake. Again, I soon found out. I had a very late issue. I was hoping that ‘my this bundle of joy’ would fill my life with tranquillity and happiness. But it never did. My husband’s violent alcoholic behaviour grew by the day. He became more abusive with each passing day and even started showing his tantrums to my family.
My husband started embarrassing me in front of my relatives, and I started covering for his rude behaviour. There came a point where he threw my own sister on the road in the middle of the night, slowly he became the master and I ... the slave.” Broken body.... broken soul

I often wondered what makes me stay with him, what in me turns him into such a monster. It’s an answer that I could never find. Slowly years passed by and his abuses became more frequent. By now, I had three children. We were shifted to another place, where I took up a teaching job. My salary though just Rs 2000/- was taken away by my husband. If I dared to refuse, then it would only result in only more beating.
I tried committing suicide, but whom would I leave my children to. I went in for psychiatric treatment, but it didn’t help. My body was constantly covered by black and blue bruises. But I still held on to my marriage, hoping things would change.
However, the final straw did come, when my husband started mishandling our oldest daughter. I went back to my parents house, who till now had been advising me to leave my husband. Things became tough there…my father was retired and my mother, physically handicapped. My husband used to send Rs 5000/- per month, but that too on the condition that after a year this money will also stop coming.
Yes, I did what was unthinkable to my family I went back to my husband as he vowed never to touch me again. That again was a façade, which again I soon found out. I moved to Delhi with my husband, who was posted there.
Things were going smoothly till the crushing blow came again on my daughter’s birthday. For no apparent reason, he assaulted my children and me. My kids screaming for my husband to stop, but he had turned into an ugly hideous monster.
Another year….but hope is there
This time I took no more, I called up my father and my relatives and told them everything. A decision had to be taken soon. But that again, didn’t yield any result, as my husband accepted to every thing he did. However, this time I had taken a decision. My father went to my husband’s senior, the General incharge of Manesar station, where we were posted. Promptly, the General and his wife assured me that the action will be taken soon in my favour. Since I had asked for time till March for the sake of my children, the decision is going to be finalised in March. Along with that I also launched a FIR against him, to make sure he will not go scot-free, if anything happened to me. Today, I am still with my husband for the sake of my children, for whom this has been the most traumatic experience. Their pain so evident in their eyes, their childhood lost, their innocence no more. I do decide to finally end this marriage, but when or how, I don’t know.
As an Army officer’s wife, at least I have been assured of help. I often wonder what my plight would have been had I been married to a civilian. How many women will be there for whom no justice will be delivered, whose voice will fall on deaf ears? How many....