Prateik Babbar bares all about his drug addiction, writes a heartfelt note about his horrifying experience

Pic Courtesy: Movie Still

New Delhi: Veteran actor-politician Raj Babbar and noted actress Smita Patil's son Prateik Babbar was seen as the next big thing in Bollywood, especially after his impressive act in Imran Khan starrer 'Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na' in 2008.

But things were not at all rosy for this young lad as some of this films after that tanked at the box office. The actor who battled drug addiction in his life has penned a powerful note in Mid-Day, describing the horrifying experience of his life.

Here are some of the excerpts of what he wrote in Mid-Day:

My relationship with addiction is not the result of a solitary event or lack of resolve. Addiction of any sort is a complex disease, and I mean disease in its literal sense. It comes with physical and psychological symptoms, both of which act as stimuli, encouraging relapses. Unfortunately, the only treatment available is lifetime adherence to sobriety.

My struggle with drugs started before high school. Sports and music were constructive escapes for a while, but, they could only suffice for so long. My first real drug was a disturbed childhood. Constantly faced with internal dilemma, the voices in my head debating where I belong and who I am, drugs came disguised as a glitzy escape. As years went by, I got acquainted with the narcotic underbelly, which led me to my first run-in with drugs at the age of 13.

Although I was boisterous as a child, I was also introverted and often withdrew from social obligations. When I discovered drugs, I thought I found a remedy to becoming more amiable. Drugs would dull my emotions. But, like sports and music, it provided only temporary reprieve, giving me a feeling of conquest, like I'm ready to take on the world. But, when the high disappeared, I threw something else in the mix to combat the comedown. I wasn't consuming drugs at night, like party-goers do as a superficial part of their lifestyle. I was using it in the morning to get myself through the day. I needed it to exist. Perhaps, the most widespread delusion about addiction is the amount of time it can take for someone to become an addict. The cinemas tell you it happens right after the first hit, but addiction, like any disease, progresses.

While others who took drugs got fed up with it, I, unfortunately, got addicted. People turn judgmental when you've got a drug problem. Also, you don't want to admit the fact that you do. While I could chalk up my primary encounter with other drugs -- marijuana and hashish -- to experiments, the inquisitiveness led to recurrent use over time. By the time I was in my freshman year, seniors introduced me to the world of acid, cocaine and ecstasy. What started off as a few pills every couple of days, soon spiralled into uncontrolled consumption. I wouldn't say I was naïve to the effects of drug dependence, but I certainly wasn't prepared for what followed -- withdrawal symptoms that were worse than any hangover. Getting out of bed was almost impossible; nausea greeted me each morning, my body ached and I oscillated between hot and cold every few minutes. At that point, I didn't even have a drug of choice, I took whatever I could lay my hands on.

I was a fool who permitted love to drive me to self-destruction, all the while hoping I could find what I missed while growing up -- love and acceptance. But, when the joyride ended, it seemed like the worst karmic decision. My rebound was not a one-night stand. It was drugs, an excess of it. Women, with conditions, came and left, but drugs didn't.

But, it seems I was God's special child. He was not going to give up on me, even if the world did. A drug overdose made me sit up and take note of the monster I had become. I'm not religious, but at that moment, I encountered my first experience of spirituality. A heady cocktail rendered me unconscious with my face down on the bedroom floor. I was surrounded in vomit and regained consciousness only 24 hours later. It's a miracle I survived. The thought of going cold turkey had crossed my mind before, but the thirst to chase the initial high surpassed every rational thought. I couldn't recognise the man I saw in the mirror. I realised I hadn't looked myself in the eye ever since I started getting high. Following multiple episodes that made me feel like a miserable prisoner of drugs, I decided to finally seek professional help. My family refused to see their loved one attempt to slowly kill himself, and encouraged me to sign up for rehab.

Then, he further wrote: Today, I have been clean of drugs for one year. I can't be grateful enough for today. My priorities are redefined. If I were to lose someone dear, or get replaced in a project, my sobriety could fall apart. It's upon me to hold it together. Thinking about how I will manage to stay sober for the rest of my life is daunting, but staying sober, just for today, doesn't seem so bad.