Trishala Dutt opens up about losing mom at 8 and how her life changed after boyfriend's death: The ground beneath me seemed to crumble

Trishala spoke about undergoing a therapy post his death and said she had to quit her job too.

Image Courtesy: Instagram/@trishaladutt

New Delhi: Actor Sanjay Dutt's daughter Trishala Dutt has poured her heart out on social media on how her life changed after the death of her boyfriend in July 2019. In her lengthy Instagram post, Trishala also opened up about undergoing a therapy post his death and said she had to quit her job too. She had breakdowns in public, developed an eating disorder and gained several kilos. 

Trishala is Sanjay Dutt's daughter with his first wife Richa Sharma, who died of a brain tumour in 1996. Trishala was just eight when she lost her mother. She was raised by her grandparents in the US. 

Read what Trishala wrote on her boyfriend's first death anniversary:

Today marks 1 year since the ground beneath me seemed to crumble and my life changed. I’ve done a lot of grief work—from talk therapy, to joining specific support groups & being more intentional with how & who I spend my time with. I’ve also been somewhat absent from social media over the past year.

Losing my mom at the age of eight & working through that for over two decades, surprisingly, did not prepare me for losing this beautiful soul. It’s not just the passage of time, you don’t get over it or move on just because a year or twenty go by. You have to face the darkest moments & ride out the rollercoaster of emotions for the rest of your life. I knew grief wasn’t only sadness, however, I’d forgotten it creeps up in the sneakiest of ways. In the past year, I’ve cried to a point where I’ve ran out of tears. I had to quit my job because how could I take care of someone’s mental health if my own was a disaster? I’ve had several public breakdowns where strangers have come up to me and asked if I needed any assistance. I’ve also eaten everything in sight and gained 30lbs (13kg). But it’s fine. It happens. Its the process, and it’s nothing I can’t fix once I’m in the right mindset (and I’m happy to share my mental health and physique has gotten so much better!) Also, I’m not ashamed to admit it’s because of an amazing therapist, support groups, and 3 beautiful friends. Everyone processes loss differently, and there’s no right way to do it. However, for me, in this current moment, it’s helpful to be surrounded by things that remind me of him. I have text messages and handwritten notes. I still have his toothbrush, listen to some of his favorite songs/artists, and have his T-shirt that smells just like him. I’m beyond grateful for the time we had together. He lived his life boldly, out loud, and took advantage of each and every day authentically. He was the utmost gentleman who always made me feel safe. He made me laugh and loved to joke around. He was kind, gentle, thoughtful, and always chose to put me first. He was helpful, supportive, and a great listener. He trusted me, took good care of me, and took great care of my heart. 

He respected me, never judged me, and welcomed me into his family. He never left my side, never EVER let me go to bed upset, or left me wondering where I stood in his life. He made sure to let me and everyone else know that I was his entire heart every.second of every.day. To me, he was magic. It was a joy to be a part of his life. He will always be apart of my journey, and my story. My memories are all I have left of him, and I will never ever forget him. I’m half a heart without him, but even with that, I still and will always be and feel like the luckiest girl in the entire world to have been his...as he was mine.

October 07, 1986 - July 02, 2019

In the past one year, Trishala has often shared memories of her boyfriend on Instagram.