Empathy In Adversity: How To Comfort Your Partner When They Are Stressed

When your partner is distressed, it becomes utterly important to self-regulate.

Relationships come with a responsibility to stand by your partner even in the most adverse situations. Be it a difficult work culture, toxicity in the professional space, financial problems, or emotional challenges, stress can stem from various sources. While we somehow find ways to cope with our own stress, we often stumble when it comes to helping our partners effectively. Seeing our partners suffer can be distressing, but the real difficulty lies in not knowing how to be the comforting presence they need, despite their earnest plea for help. In an Instagram post, relationship expert Julie Menanno shared a few tips that you can follow if you want to help comfort your partner when they are stressed.

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A post shared by Julie Menanno | The Secure Relationship | Relationship Expert (@thesecurerelationship)

Self-regulation is important: When your partner is distressed, it becomes utterly important to self-regulate. Finding a place of calm within yourself can be helpful for your partners. All you need to do is indulge yourself in breathing exercises to get there. This is because exhaling for an extended period of time signals safety to the body, further moving it out of “fight or flight’. This way, you’ll be able to help others relax.

Physical contact to make your partner feel safe: A simple touch can play a huge role. When we touch someone, we transfer our energy to them. This is why you need to be emotionally regulated before you decided to extend your helping hand to your partner. When you’re not emotionally overwhelmed but rather feeling grounded, you will be able to provide the ‘Safe Environment’ to your partner. It will not work immediately but will start the calming process.

Give them the required space: Just like physical pain, emotional pain also needs to be managed rather than being chased away. You won’t try to make the pain of broken logs go away with your words, right? Rather, you will give it time to heal and accept the situation. Likewise, accept the emotional pain of your partner and support them to heal instead of forcing it away.

Ask what your partner wants: While it is nice to anticipate what our partners want when they are distressed, it is equally required to ask them what they want and how can you help them. This is because every individual is different and wants different types of help. While some of them want to be heard, others may want to be cuddled. Since we are only humans and it is not possible for us to understand what our respective partners want from us; it is best to ask them directly.

Validating is a must: It is important to be understanding. You don’t need to say yes to why they’re stressed, but acknowledging their feelings is a must while trying to help them. Try to be authentic as much as possible and you’ll realise this particular idea works. Remember, more than the words, it is the action and efforts that matter.

Focus on fixing: Keep in mind to focus on fixing what your partner is going through rather than looking for a solution to the problem. You will get the time to solve the problem later but your priority should be to help soothe your partner in their tough times.