5 Effective Ways To Handle A ‘Gaslit Friendship’

Learn five effective strategies to handle gaslighting in friendships, including recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, and protecting your emotional well-being.

Friendships are supposed to be supportive, nurturing, and filled with trust. But sometimes, even a close friend can engage in toxic behaviours like gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where one person makes another doubt their perceptions, feelings, or reality. When it happens in friendships, it can be particularly confusing and damaging.

If you find yourself in a gaslit friendship, where your feelings are invalidated or you’re constantly made to second-guess your actions, it’s important to take steps to protect your emotional well-being. Here are five effective ways to handle a gaslit friendship.

1. Recognize the Signs of Gaslighting

The first step in handling a gaslit friendship is to recognize the behavior. Gaslighting often manifests through subtle manipulation, leaving you confused about whether you’re overreacting. Some common signs include:

Your friend frequently downplays your feelings or makes you feel oversensitive.

They deny things they’ve said or done, even when you have clear memories of the events.

You find yourself apologizing constantly, even when you know you haven’t done anything wrong.

They twist the truth, make you question your memories, or accuse you of imagining things.

Awareness is the key to breaking free from the manipulative cycle. Once you can identify gaslighting, you’ll be better equipped to protect yourself emotionally.

2. Trust Your Perceptions

A gaslighting friend’s goal is to make you doubt yourself. In such situations, it’s crucial to trust your perceptions and emotions. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Don’t allow your friends to make you question your reality, no matter how persuasive they may seem.

Try journaling about your experiences, feelings, and interactions with your friend. This will not only help you stay grounded in your truth but also provide a written record of events. Having a clear account of what happened will help reinforce your confidence in your perceptions and give you something tangible to rely on during moments of self-doubt.

3. Set Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are essential in any relationship, especially when dealing with a gaslighter. When your friend tries to manipulate or twist the truth, calmly but firmly state your boundaries. For example, you can say:

“I don’t appreciate it when you make me feel like my feelings aren’t valid.”

“I remember what happened, and I won’t let you convince me otherwise.”

“I need some space when conversations become emotionally overwhelming.”

Setting boundaries makes it clear that you won’t tolerate manipulative behaviour, and it gives you control over how much of the friendship you engage with. Remember, you have every right to protect your mental and emotional well-being.

4. Seek Outside Perspectives

Gaslighting can be so effective that it makes you question yourself. To combat this, talk to other friends or loved ones who are not involved in the situation. Share your experiences and ask for their perspective. Sometimes an outside viewpoint can help you see things more clearly and validate your feelings.

If you’re uncomfortable discussing this with mutual friends, consider seeking the guidance of a therapist or counsellor. A neutral third party can provide valuable insights and help you process your emotions in a safe, supportive environment.

5. Consider Ending the Friendship

While it’s never easy to end a friendship, sometimes it’s the healthiest option—especially if the gaslighting is persistent and damaging. No one deserves to feel manipulated, belittled, or constantly confused in a friendship. If efforts to address the behaviour and set boundaries haven’t worked, it may be time to distance yourself.

Ending a friendship doesn’t have to be dramatic. You can slowly disengage, reducing the time you spend together, or have an honest conversation about how the relationship is no longer healthy for you. Trust your instincts and prioritize your mental health over maintaining a toxic friendship.

Gaslighting in friendships is a form of emotional manipulation that can deeply harm your self-esteem and emotional health. By recognizing the signs, trusting your own perceptions, setting boundaries, seeking outside perspectives, and knowing when to walk away, you can protect yourself and reclaim your sense of clarity. While it’s tough to face the reality of a gaslit friendship, handling it effectively can lead to emotional freedom and healthier relationships in the future.