Ex-Lover To Planning Kids: 10 Topics To Discuss With Your Partner Before Getting Married

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The decision to get married, despite the cliches, is perhaps one of the most important life decisions that you will make. While there's no fixed formula to ensure a happy marriage, it's important to check certain boxes. While romance and all things love precedence - and rightly so - it's important to remember that marriage is also a practical decision and it's a must that you and your partner are on the same page on some crucial matters. Saurabh Goswami, Director of the niche matrimony Ultra Rich Match, says that the period between getting engaged and getting married shouldn’t be just ‘romance’. "This is a time when the partners should be asking practical questions to each other and getting to understand each other before they start this most important journey together." Goswami lists 10 topics he feels every couple must discuss before tying the knot.

10 Things You Must Talk About With Your Would-Be Spouse

Saurabh Goswami points out that while there might be disagreements - which can be resolved respectfully - there are some key issues that every couple must discuss. Read on:

1. What would be the living arrangements after marriage?

This question is especially important for women in India. They need to know whether they will be staying in a joint family or a nuclear set-up. It is imperative that the couple is on the same page about this matter, or else it can cause disruptions in the family. 

2. Are they both open to shifting locations if an opportunity arises?

A lot of people do not want to change locations, while some others are open to it. This can cause a serious rift in a relationship if such an opportunity or need arises. It’s better to know what the other partner feels about shifting so that you can take an informed decision as a couple.

3. Who will be doing which household chore?

These are the times when women and men both have demanding careers. When both partners come home equally knackered, it is not fair for just one person to look after the household chores. Dividing household work equally would ensure that your home runs smoothly, and both partners get time to unwind. 

4. Do they want kids, and when?

Raising a child is no easy feat! With both partners being in demanding careers, having a child would require a lot of sacrifice from either of them. In India, it’s mostly the women who take extended leave or quit their jobs altogether. Of course, there is always a chance that one of the partners does not want kids. This topic requires a long honest conversation.

5. How do they handle arguments?

A person might go into a shell after an argument, while another wants to discuss more. If both partners are not aware of the other’s traits, it could lead to even more frustration. However, when both know how the other will react, it will be easier to not take their behaviour personally which would result in better resolutions.

6. What will be the financial arrangements after marriage?

Who will contribute how much towards household expenses? Who will be looking after mortgages? These are bitter questions but need to be addressed openly. The common trend these days is for a couple to have a shared bank account for expenses, Saurabh says.

7. The past attachments

This is a very sensitive topic. People tend to avoid talking about their past relationships. However, it is important that the other has at least a superficial recap of one’s past so that they are prepared to handle any unexpected surprises that may arise later. 

8. What are the triggers to avoid with each other

Saurabh shares, "There was this one person I knew who could not stand anyone talking to him while he was driving. His new wife would feel offended and would fight with him constantly. If only they had had an open conversation about his trigger beforehand, they could have avoided a lot of arguments." So the trigger could be anything - from a dirty plate to a specific word. Discuss and try to avoid each other’s triggers.

9. What is their idea of a perfect vacation?

Saurabh gives another example. Rita likes the sea, while her husband Anup loves the mountains. They argue before every vacation and usually ended up staying at home. Till they both joined different travel groups. Now they take one vacation separately and the other one together. This is just one solution, but a couple should know what the other one likes.

10. What hobbies and interests do they have in common?

Every person is different, but every couple needs a common hobby or a pastime to bring them together. Saurabh shares about a married couple who would go on a walk together for at least ten minutes after their dinner, only the two of them. Even if they were apart, they would arrange to talk on the phone and walk together. These 10 minutes were their own ‘us-time’.