The Power of Saying `NO`

As India rides high on the headwind of economic progress, there are aspects of our society that need transformation, both, in thought and in action. One such factor is the evil of child abuse. In fact, children continue to face abuse in some form or the other, at the hands of strangers or family members, without understanding the power vested in their hands to prevent this abuse. This often leads them to restrict their discomfort to themselves because they are not made aware of the power of saying ‘No’ to child abuse.

The power of saying 'No' and the importance of 'consent' were recently highlighted in the much-acclaimed movie 'Pink'. The Amitabh Bachchan-starrer created an overnight frenzy as the movie brought hidden concerns to the fore. It magnified the power of saying 'No' and urged the society to understand that consent is vital in every relationship. ‘Pink’ raised a number of crucial concerns such as the right to ‘consent’ and to say ‘NO.’

In fact, saying ‘No’ to any act that causes discomfort is not only the right of every woman but also of every child. Children should be made aware of this right from their early childhood. Adults usually hug and kiss kids, without knowing whether the child is comfortable to such touch. Such ignorance may suppress the child and can prove to be fatal or cause harm to a child. Thus, consent is of utmost importance in any relationship. This is one of the primary reasons why child sexual abuse is taking place in an ‘epidemic’ proportion in India. Such incidents can have grave and lifelong repercussions on a child’s psychological, behavioural, physical and interpersonal well-being. What we require is awareness and an ongoing conversation on prevention.

Despite the urgency, a large section of our society maintains a deafening silence about this issue. This critical issue goes unaddressed in most cases, further, adding-up to its magnitude. It is crucial for children, especially small kids, to understand that their body belongs to them and their consent is important for anyone to touch them, even if it’s a close relative. Taking and giving permission is required to be inculcated as a habit in early phase of a child’s development. A child must be taught to even take their friends’ permission before touching them during a game or playing together. This will help them absorb the importance of taking as well as giving consent.

Child abuse can impact any child - whether boy or girl, rich or poor. Therefore, it is of utmost importance to help our children develop self-belief and respect for their own self and others, too. There are many ways in which parents can help children understand the importance ‘consent’ and build it as a habit.

Unsafe and unwanted touch: The stigma associated with sex education prevents parents from educating children about sexual advances or threats, which could protect them against any kind of abuse. The time has come when parents will have to rise-up above all social taboos and take necessary steps to sensitise children about ‘unsafe’ and ‘unwanted’ touch. A child should know that an unsafe touch is that which causes physical harm and an unwanted touch makes them feel uncomfortable. In both cases, parents should encourage children to never keep secrets, and to always report an incident if it makes the child feel uncomfortable.

Tattling and Reporting: A child should be taught the difference between tattling and reporting, and that how it is right to report anything that makes them uncomfortable. It is also extremely crucial to teach a child the values of empathy and kindness which will make them respectful individuals. As a child, this will also help them take a strong stand against childhood problems such as bullying and abuse.

‘The swimsuit rule’: ‘The swimsuit rule’ must be taught to children. The rule informs that any part of the body covered under a swimsuit is private and should not be touched by anyone else, without permission, other than the parents and known caregivers whose intend is only to keep them healthy.

Power of saying ‘No’ and ‘STOP’: Children need to be enlightened about the power of saying ‘NO’ and ‘STOP’. They should be empowered to express themselves by means of regular and friendly communication. This will allow the children to be more comfortable about expressing such concerns to their parents without feeling ashamed or hesitant about it.

Listening and body language: Parents must listen to their kids and regularly ask if anything is troubling them. Every hint should be paid attention to, which means parents can’t afford to ignore any statement from their children; no matter how disjointed it may sound. They should take a note of any change in their child’s cheerful and bubbly demeanour. If a child is suddenly keeping low or is getting too aggressive, then it becomes important for parents to communicate with children in an encouraging way. A child may not be able to react to it instantly, but he or she should be able to find a sympathetic ear in his or her parents. Parents should not force their kids to hug and kiss their relatives as a gesture to express affection and must respect the child’s feelings in case he or she is uncomfortable with it.

To break the prevalent silence and generate awareness on this issue, Sesame Workshop India has contributed in its unique yet effective way. The ‘I Love Elmo’ segment on Sesame Workshop India’s popular flagship program Galli Galli Sim Sim, addresses issues such as child safety and protection. The muppets in the show with their lively expressions present real situations and convey messages to foster positive behavioural change in ways that engage and impact children. Sesame Workshop India also did a series of web episodes with star mother Twinkle Khanna on early child care, one of which also talked about the importance of consent and power of saying ‘No’.

Childhood is the most beautiful stage in a person’s life. A child needs to be carefree and innocent, and not live under the shadow of fear and darkness. As parents and caregivers of children, it is our responsibility to increase our awareness on this issue of such significance and only then can we empower our kids to stand-up for themselves and say “No!”

(The article has been submitted by Richa Shukla, who is a Content Expert at Sesame Workshop India.)