By Mohit Shankar Tiwari

IIC CLONE

I am lucky in a certain sense. That's because I cannot afford air travel. So I travel by train. I don't regret it one bit, it's value for money. You pay peanuts and enrich yourself with wisdom of fellow travellers. The topics range from national pastime of discussing cricket to how the superpower is on the mat in Iraq. At no point you will think that you are amongst the most ordinary citizens in the country. That's the conviction of the speakers.For those like me, who aren't allowed entry inside IIC, it feels like sitting at an IIC clone, the one for lesser mortals.
MOBILE-THE GREAT LEVELLER

While taking a night journey you tend to realise the flip side of mobile boom. Weak signals ensure that people speak at high pitch, fellow travellers' nightmare is conveniently ignored. Though every second person nowadays carries a mobile, the new entrants still see it as a status symbol. Otherwise, how does one justify some frivolous conversations. Sample these, ``mummy se kehna savere station par car bhej dein". ``beta aaj mummy ne tumko kya khana diya.'' ``balbir pahadganj se maal utha lena". But what takes the cake is ringtone. ``Raghupati raghav raja ram'' and ``kanta laga'' being played within a distance of few centimetres.
FROM `AAP' TO `TU'

Lucknow Mail is a train with a difference, in more ways than one. It connects Capital of the second most populated nation to that of the most populated state. It connects the city of tehjib to one totally devoid of it. The impact is loud and clear on vocab of Lucknowities. In casual converstaions `aap' is giving way to Delhi's `tu'. Janpath like street-side malls are becoming a reality in the City of Nawaabs too. Women are becoming more style conscious. It's no surprise that when go to meet a relative, better halves will non-chalantly ask `` aaj kal dilli mein kya latest hai''.
SCAMSTERS GALORE
If one was to probe the amount of money a man in blue (honourable ticket collectors) make, it would make the Telgis and the Harshad Mehtas look like `pocketmaars'. ``Seat nahin hai, RAC clear karna hai,'' seat seekers are bluntly told. But then persuasion is key to success. After a little bit of bargaining you are told to roll a ``note'' and keep it in the TT's pocket. Mission accomplished. You pay and snore way to glory, the person with a RAC may well be sharing a seat with another hapless traveller. This happens every day for 365 days. Imagine the kind of money that changes hands during holidays. This much for a poor nation.

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RHYTHMIC SNORING
You may have heard of rhythmic gymnastics, but train travel ensures you a ticket to the world of rhythmic snoring. At least that's how it seems. It's amazing how when one will stop snoring the other traveller will start. The sounds that emanate are nothing short of a symphony in totality. If you enjoy such a symphony, good for you. Otherwise don't forget to take a bit of cotton, the next time you travel.




WRITINGS ON THE WALL
Here I am referring to the walls of train loos. Creative genius of frustrated Indians is written all over. Mostly they try to teach you a lesson or two about sex. How to make love remains the favourite topic of writers amongst train travellers. But the one I saw this time deserves a Booker. ``For maximum enjoyment use your own d***" . Freedom of Expression at its best, despite the Jayalalithaas of the world.