New Delhi: She is enjoying every bit of adulation that has come her way after playing a pivotal role in the Indian badminton team's first ever gold medal in a mixed team event at Commonwealth Games but doubles specialist Ashwin Ponappa had serious "self-doubts" about being able to make a comeback post 2016 Rio Olympics.
Everything now seems to be falling in place for Ashwini but it wasn't so two years back when she and Jwala failed to win a single match at the Rio Olympics and decided to end their seven-year old association.
She was down with dengue ahead of the Games and it plagued her performance ever since.
"It is nice to get all the acknowledgment now but it has not been easy. After 2016 Rio Games, I started doubting myself. There was no power in my smashes, I couldn't hit as harder I did earlier, it was just not working. Though I had recovered from dengue and physically I looked okay, but internally I was struggling to get back to my best. So there were moments when I thought will I ever be able to make a comeback?," she told PTI during an interview.
She kept juggling between Bangalore and Hyderabad. Struggling with her fitness, she found solace at home but this year she shifted base to Hyderabad after getting married to businessman and model Karan Medappa.
Having the comfort of the family helped as she could focus on training more and it worked.
"I started training with a sports strength and conditioning coach in Bangalore in December 2016. I felt better and played well in PBL. It was that time I was playing the singles, I played at Syed Modi. But again my physical strength came down. So I was crashing again and again and it was distheartening," she said.
"Luckily, I started feeling better this year and we focused on training and not playing tournaments."
The 28-year-old Ponappa played in two events at the Gold Coast - mixed doubles and women's doubles, turning up each day on the court during the fortnight at the Gold Coast.
She also added a bronze to her kitty in women doubles with N Sikki Reddy, following her gold and silver medals with Jwala Gutta in the 2010 and 2014 editions respectively.
"2010 was my first CWG, there was an eagerness. It was in Delhi and I was young. Nobody expected us to do well but we won gold and a silver in the team event for the first time. In 2014 CWG, we were expected to do well and we won a silver. But we didn't win a team medal," Ashwini says.
"So this time it was different, I was playing with different partners and from being a young player in 2010, I had become a veteran now. Satwik and I started in June and we won the first match in the mixed team final. Sikki and I also worked hard and we did well. If I would have lost that doubles bronze medal match, it would have been devasting for me."
She says she learned to put her absolute trust on Malaysian doubles coach Tan Kim Her, who is mainly responsible for the resurgance of doubles in India.
"With Tan Kim coming in, it is no longer an emotional thing, he makes and breaks pairs and it has worked. Last year, I had three partners, I had played with K Nandagopal, B Sumeeth Reddy and then Satwik. He has brought so many partnerships, whether it is Pranaav and Sikki, Satwik and Chirag, so I trust him and if he tells me tomorrow that I would break partnership with Satwik, I would do it," she says.
Ashwini said she is looking forward to Uber Cup and Asian Games.
"I am looking forward to the coming tournaments. We would like to change the colour of medal at Uber Cup. We have Saina, Sindhu doing well and so we would be looking to do better. We have already won two bronze. But Asian Games would be a bigger test, it would be definitely tougher," she said.
And what about the 2020 Olympics?
"I don't want to think about Olympics. Right now, there are smaller goals which I want to achieve. I have a lot to learn in mixed doubles and we would definitely play more mixed doubles events. I don't want to just qualify, I want to come back with a medal," she signed off.