9 Subtle Behaviours That Indicate You’re In A Relationship With A Very Difficult Person

Discover the subtle behaviors that indicate you might be in a relationship with a difficult person. Learn how to identify the signs and protect your emotional well-being.

Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish between someone just having an off day and someone whose behavior is indicative of deeper issues. Subtle cues often reveal much more than we realize in the moment. Through my own experiences and insights from psychology, I’ve learned that certain behaviours, which we may initially dismiss, can speak volumes about the person in question. Let’s delve into nine behaviours that could suggest you’re dealing with someone who brings more challenges than comfort into your life.

1) They Regularly Shift the Blame

Accountability is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship. However, one key sign of a difficult person is their tendency to shift blame when things go wrong. Whether it’s a minor issue like forgetting to pick up groceries or a more significant problem like poor communication, a difficult individual often avoids responsibility and instead points the finger at others. This unwillingness to accept fault reveals deeper challenges in taking ownership of their actions. If you find that blame is frequently directed toward you or others, it may be a red flag.

2) They Disrespect Your Boundaries

Personal boundaries are essential for our well-being, and when someone constantly crosses them, it’s a sign of trouble. I once had a partner who consistently ignored my need for alone time. Despite multiple conversations, they couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to spend every moment together, taking it as a personal offence. This lack of respect for boundaries may start small but can grow into a significant issue, showing that they don’t value your personal space or needs. In a healthy relationship, both partners should honour each other’s limits.

3) They Frequently Display Negative Emotions

Everyone experiences bad days, and it’s natural to feel sad, frustrated, or angry at times. However, if your partner seems to be in a constant state of negativity, it could be a sign of emotional instability or what psychologists refer to as emotional dysregulation. Persistent negativity—whether through constant pessimism, irritation, or anxiety—creates a stressful and draining environment. While it doesn’t make them a bad person, it can make the relationship challenging. Open communication and professional support may be necessary to address these emotions.

4) They Try to Control You

A healthy relationship involves mutual decision-making and autonomy, but a difficult person may try to control your actions, decisions, and even thoughts. They might make choices for you, such as where to eat or who you can spend time with, or impose rules on how you should dress. While compromise is normal in relationships, it should never feel like you're losing your freedom or individuality. Psychotherapist Amy Lewis Bear emphasizes that a healthy compromise involves meeting the needs of both partners while maintaining each person’s individuality.

5) They Lack Empathy

Empathy is the foundation of emotional connection in any relationship. However, a difficult person may struggle with understanding or caring about your emotions. If your partner dismisses your feelings or fails to provide support during tough times, it can leave you feeling emotionally isolated. Over time, this lack of empathy can damage the relationship, making it essential to address the issue openly.

6) They Seldom Apologize

Mistakes are part of life, but a sincere apology is what repairs the damage. Difficult people, however, may rarely, if ever, apologize for their actions. Even when clearly in the wrong, they struggle to say “I’m sorry,” which can leave you feeling invalidated and unheard. Apologies are essential for acknowledging wrongdoing and moving forward, so a lack of them is a concerning sign.

7) They Thrive on Drama

While life has its ups and downs, a partner who seems to thrive on conflict may indicate a difficult personality. Constant drama, frequent arguments, and unpredictable outbursts can make the relationship feel draining. Peace and stability should be the norm in any relationship, not an exception. If you often find yourself in unnecessary drama, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.

8) They Are Self-Centered

A successful relationship requires both partners to consider each other’s needs and feelings. A difficult person, however, often places their own needs above yours. Self-centred behavior can manifest in many ways, from talking excessively about themselves to showing little interest in your life or concerns. If this is a regular occurrence, it’s crucial to address it for the sake of your relationship’s health.

9) They Belittle Your Achievements

In a supportive relationship, your partner should celebrate your successes, no matter how small. However, a difficult person may belittle your achievements or overshadow them with their own. Instead of feeling proud and appreciated, you may find yourself feeling insignificant, which can erode your self-esteem and happiness.

Dealing with a difficult person can be exhausting, and their behaviors often stem from deep-rooted issues. While no one is perfect, if a relationship consistently leaves you drained, it may be time to reassess. Open communication, professional help, or, in some cases, walking away may be the best course of action. Ultimately, your mental and emotional health should be a priority in any relationship.