Mumbai: National Award-winning filmmaker Onir, who doesn't worship monogamy, says he wants to be with someone who is true and open both to himself and to the world.
"I don't judge those who choose to lead double lives. I understand their predicament and respect their choice. But I have come to a place in life where I don't want to play a part in it anymore because the pain it causes is more intense than the loneliness it leaves you with," Onir said.
Onir opened up about his decisions through an Instagram post on Queer Ink, a page documenting and sharing Indian LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer) lives.
The filmmaker says he has "never been in the closet nor have I gone through any agony when I realized that I was gay".
"And I love my work in cinema. All these years, work and great friends and family filled in the void of not having a lover... But eventually, I did feel the empty embrace of the void. That's when I began my search for a lover," he said.
Looking back, the filmmaker said: "Some were gay; some bisexual. Many were still in the closet; some weren't. Some were single; some married. I'm not possessive about relationships, and I don't worship monogamy. So for me, when my lover was open about our relationship to his girlfriend or spouse and as long as I felt loved, whether he was married or in a closet did not matter to me."
But there were some heartbreaks.
"I would be head over heels in love, and suddenly amnesia would strike our relationship. Or they would get married. Or worse -- I would discover that they had used our relationship only as an excuse for their erratic behaviour to hurt their women."
Onir, known for helming independent films, has made up his mind now.
"On September 6, 2018, after yet another bitter parting, I decided that I will only be with someone who is true and open, both to himself and to the world. Someone who would walk hand in hand with me in public.
"Someone who I can introduce to my friends and family as my lover. Someone to wake up with, travel together, chat, cook, and make love to. And someone to spend my life with," he said.