When Love Vanishes: How To Navigate Being 'Ghosted' In Dating

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In modern dating, Ghosting has unfortunately become a term that most people are too familiar with; as new as the term sounds, the concept is as old as time. Person A meets person B. They talk to each other for a while, and it seems like everything is going well, and suddenly, poof! Person A pulls the disappearing act like a ghost. They vanish without a trace, leaving nothing but confusion, pain, and self-doubt. 

And why? Only a Ghost can answer that. Sometimes, they are not ready to commit, some are oblivious to other people's pain and the consequences of their actions, and some go so far as to think they did a favor by disappearing before things turned bitter. One action, a hundred different reasons, but always the same result- the one who gets ghosted feels a constant lingering feeling of rejection. It's been going on forever and will continue till the end of time. Since the ghosts can never be busted, let's plan ahead on busting the terrible feelings they leave behind.

Acknowledge the feelings- Being ghosted leaves behind a myriad of feelings; the first step to getting over them is to acknowledge each one of these feelings and understand that it is okay to feel this way. Studies show that more than 26% of adults in their dating phase experience ghosting. It highlights that it is a common phenomenon, as unfortunate as it is. Validating the feelings of hurt, pain, rejection, confusion, and whatever else is going on in the mind is essential in dealing with ghosting. One solid way of doing so is by writing these emotions down on a piece of paper. Someone, it makes it easier to believe that we are capable of feeling so much pain caused by a mere fellow human. Talking to a friend or trusted family member works too. What's crucial is that we allow ourselves to feel the loss of a relationship, however brief it might have been, instead of putting on a brave face and bottling it up only to burst one day.

Don't blame yourself- It is always easier to blame yourself than admit that sometimes bad things happen to good people for no reason. Don't go down that path of self-blame. Admitting that it isn't your fault might make you realize a hard truth- karma is just a nice concept but it isn't reality. But with that truth also comes the knowledge that you had no hand in being ghosted. Ghosting reflects entirely on the person who does it and not an inch on the victim of it. It isn't a reflection of your worth.

Don't contact them- The urge to contact a ghost is real. It is tempting to send a message demanding an explanation; resist it. For a person who chose to ghost instead of doing the mature thing and ending the relationship with an explanation, there is no point in expecting them to offer you some closure. They have already proven their poor communication skills and lack of consideration; they won't be able to provide the answers or peace of mind.

Focus on self-care- Instead, the best thing to do in such moments is to shift your focus from wanting answers to solving the problem at hand with self-care. In the aftermath of ghosting, self-care is vital. Indulge in activities that make you happy; they don't have to be productive at all times. Spend more time with people who make you feel valued and respected. One person's action does not define your value, and this step is paramount in helping you realize it once again.

Reflect on your choices- While it is never the victim's fault, there is no harm in reflecting on the relationships you chose to be in; did you miss warning signs, are you deliberately choosing toxic partners, or did they show red flags like being unreliable or inconsistent? Reflecting on these can help identify a pattern and avoid such relationships in the future. It is also the perfect time to figure out what you want from a partner and focus on finding one that ticks, if not all, at least most of the boxes. There is no reason to settle for less.

Embrace new connections- It doesn't have to be an immediate concern, but one bad experience should not close you off from future connections. A survey by the Indian dating app QuackQuack shows that 13% of daters who have been ghosted let the experience affect their entire dating life, being extra cautious to the extent of not trusting anyone. That should never be the approach to finding love. While caution is essential, trust is important too. Some might ghost, but most people are capable of maintaining a healthy relationship. Make sure to stay open to meeting such people and embrace the opportunity even when being mindful.