London: Pop star Cheryl Cole, who resumed her judging duties on `X Factor` after recovering from a bout of malaria, says she feared the illness will kill her.
The singer, who recently divorced footballer Ashley, said she convinced herself of her death after she contracted malaria during a brief trip to Tanzania with rumoured boyfriend Derek Hough in July.
The 27-year-old singer was hospitalised for weeks with the disease, Contactmusic reported.
"I thought I was going to die, I actually thought I was going to die. I thought if I`m going to die I want to die soon because I was in so much pain," Cole said.
Meanwhile, the pop star, who has taken pot shots at Ashley in one of her songs, said she would "always love" him and expect that they would be good friends in the future.
Cole, who shot to fame as `Girls Aloud` singer, says she sometimes feels trapped because of her stardom but finds it difficult to return to a normal life.
"Sometimes I feel completely trapped. But I just can`t go back to Newcastle and put on tracksuit bottoms and Ugg boots," the singer said.